Having a one-to-one with your boss about moving on

Careers rarely stall for lack of ambition; they falter because people never say out loud what they want next. A focused one-to-one with your manager is the right place to test ideas, map options and, if necessary, set a respectful course away from your current role. Handled well, it protects relationships, reveals opportunities you cannot see from your desk, and reduces the risk of impulsive exits. Handled badly, it can erode trust or trap you in the same job with a shinier title. The difference lies in preparation, tone, and the quality of how you ask. 

Before you ask for time

Do your homework. Gather concise evidence of what you have delivered in the past six to twelve months and be ready to show how those outcomes supported the team's goals. Replace the vague desire for "more responsibility" with two or three thought-through directions, such as a transfer, a stretch project, a secondment, or an orderly exit if the fit is wrong. Each option should carry a business case: how it reduces risk, enables revenue, builds capability, or solves a succession problem. If you are exploring an internal move, learn the formal process and its timelines. If you are leaning towards leaving, read your contract carefully for notice periods, bonus or share-plan rules, and any restrictive covenants; HR can explain policy, but legal advice is the place for specific interpretations.

Setting up the meeting

Avoid ambushing your manager at the end of a status call. Book a dedicated half hour or, better, forty-five minutes, and choose a setting where neither of you is clock-watching. Set the tone in the invitation by framing it as a career conversation about how you can add value over the next year, and send a short agenda in advance so the discussion is purposeful rather than reactive.

Lead with impact, not frustration

Open the meeting with the work, not with what you dislike. The quickest way to trigger defensiveness is to start with a list of grievances. A calmer, more productive start sounds like: "Here's what I've delivered this year and where I think the impact has been strongest" or "Looking at the team's goals, I can see several areas where I could contribute more". Keeping the conversation future-focused invites your boss into problem-solving rather than defence.

Make a clear, positive ask

Managers respond to specific, feasible proposals. If you want to grow in place, propose a defined shift of time or scope and explain how you will cover existing commitments. If you're seeking a secondment, sketch a trial period with success measures and a handover plan. If there is an internal vacancy that suits, show the fit and suggest a transition that avoids gaps for live projects. If you are ready to look externally, say so professionally and ask for support with an orderly plan, including references at the appropriate stage. Anchor each version of the ask in outcomes the organisation cares about quality, speed, savings, risk reduction or customer value, so the conversation is about benefits, not indulgences.

Anticipating pushback

Expect legitimate concerns. Timing, headcount, policy, and readiness are the usual stumbling blocks. Treat these not as verdicts but as constraints to design around. If timing is the issue, offer a phased plan and show how early planning reduces risk. If headcount is frozen, suggest testing the change as a project or a time-split before revisiting the budget. If your manager doubts your readiness, ask which skills would tip the balance and propose milestones and a date to review progress. If policy appears to rule out an idea, explore what is possible within the rules - shadowing, short secondments, or fixed-term assignments often sit comfortably inside policy.

Agreeing next steps

Good meetings die in the gap between principles and actions. Before you leave the room, summarise what you both think should happen first, what each of you will do, how success will be judged, and when you will meet again to check progress. Name the people you will involve: HR, project sponsors, partner teams, and agree who will speak to whom. Then send a same-day note capturing the decisions so momentum is not lost.

When the answer is "not now"

"Not now" can be productive if you convert it into a development plan with dates. Ask what would need to be true by a specific month to reopen the option, and record clear thresholds: the skills you must demonstrate, the exposure you will gain, and the work you will deliver. Ask for visibility: meetings to join, projects to co-lead, sponsors to meet, so you can build the evidence that will matter at the next review. If timescales keep slipping or the thresholds change with every conversation, treat that as data. It may be time to activate an external search with the same professionalism you brought to the internal route.

If you decide to leave

Leaving well is part of a long career. Tell your manager first and privately, give the notice the contract requires and offer solutions rather than surprises. Draft a transition plan, propose a sensible scope for your backfill, and document your processes cleanly for whoever follows. Finish what you reasonably can and hand over the rest with clarity. Resist the temptation to vent in team channels; the way you exit will travel with you.

Remote and hybrid realities

Video compresses nuance. To de-risk the conversation, share a one-page brief beforehand, keep your camera on, leave longer pauses than feel natural, and summarise more often. Use a shared document during the call to capture decisions in real time so neither party leaves with a different memory of what was agreed.

Sensitive contexts

In small companies, options can be genuinely limited. Equity, cash flow, and key-person risk loom larger, so frame your proposals as risk management and continuity as much as personal growth. If you are on a visa, confirm potential immigration consequences of any change with HR or an adviser before you commit. If you are in probation, the wisest move is usually to focus on impact and feedback now and revisit mobility when the probation period ends.

A simple way to structure the conversation

Think of the meeting in five acts. Set the tone by explaining that the purpose is to maximise your value over the next year. Recount two or three pieces of work where the impact is clear. Shift to the future by describing what energises you and how that overlaps with the team's direction. Present a small set of options, explain the business case for your preferred path, and show that you have thought about coverage and risk. Close by confirming actions, owners, measures, and a review date. It is not theatre, but the shape helps you keep control of time and intent.

Measure success by outcomes, not titles

Titles lag reality. The best indicator that the conversation worked is not the wording on your email signature but a change in what you spend time on, the quality of opportunities that reach you, and the sponsorship you receive from people whose advocacy opens doors. If, after two good-faith cycles of this process, nothing meaningful has shifted, you have your answer, and your cue to act elsewhere.