Is the big, fat Bangladeshi wedding a financial burden?

As this year's wedding season nears its end, I had some time to look back and reflect on the culture surrounding weddings today.

Every wedding season seems to be more extravagant than the last. The days of drawing alpona in the yard has long been replaced with grand stages and themed decor that put Bollywood set designs to shame. Merrymaking takes a different form with choreographed dance routines, concerts with professional singers, and carnival style activities. As such, weddings are now more festive than some of the holidays we celebrate.

While there is nothing inherently wrong with hosting a series of grand events if one has the means to do so, the issue lies with the standardisation of it. In the age of social media, the need to match up to the standards set by one's social circle is further perpetuated. Couples are under more pressure than ever to host an extravagant wedding that will be remembered for years to come.

The obvious consequence of this trend is the skyrocketing expenditure behind these big fat Bangladeshi weddings. I recently found out from a rather splashy advertisement on the front page of a newspaper that many reputed banks in the country now offer 'marriage loans'. The big day is now somehow worth going into debt for.

Although one may argue that many families may inevitably need to borrow in the current economic climate or take out a loan because of personal reasons, the problem occurs when going into debt is justified by the necessity to conform to social expectations and live beyond one's means.

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Do weddings need to be extravagant?

One of the biggest factors contributing to the cost of weddings is the venue. Wedding venues have now become more elaborate and luxurious, with many offering outdoor spaces, and breath-taking views. Bigger venues lead to luxury event management, photographers, and other wedding vendors, driving the cost up. Designer outfits with heavy customisation are all the rage right now, especially from high end boutiques in neighbouring countries, and these often cost a fortune.

Add in outfits for the bride or groom's entourage, props and party favours, and the expenses quickly climb up. A sizeable portion of the costs also come from succumbing to the cultural pressure of inviting everyone you have known in your life as to not offend anyone. While there is no going around that ‒ especially when you come from subcultures like Sylhet, Chattogram or Old Dhaka. However, opting for smaller, more intimate events with close friends and family is the key, which even offers the opportunity to have them tastefully done within budget.

Weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime event for the majority of people in our region and it is natural to hope for a day we will look back on fondly for the rest of our lives. But it is important to remember that ultimately it is the life you build with your spouse that matters and not the wedding itself. Breaking the bank is not the secret ingredient to a happy marriage.

Mashiyat Nayeem firmly believes that all great ideas come from shower thoughts. Tell her things to think about at mashiyat.nayeem@gmail.com