One and a half years.

That's how long it's last been since I went back to Dhaka and saw my family. It's not a new thing for me, though, to have gone so long without seeing them. I left for university in the United States of America in August of 2018 and initially spent my entire year there, finally coming back in the summer of 2019 — and I've remained here since.

I knew going in that there'd be these long stretches of time where I'd be separated from my loved ones. I just wasn't prepared for how lonely it'd feel. The beauty of technology is that you can keep in touch with them. If I see flowers I know my mom would've excitedly pointed out on a walk together, I'll send her a picture to know I'm thinking of her. I'll see a funny meme that reminds me of my sister, I'll tag her.

But then again, it's not easy. An 11-hour time difference isn't always easy to navigate. A real part of being a university student abroad is knowing you will inevitably be busy for a phone call when the other side is free. Call at Bangladesh night when it's US morning and you have classes, or call at US night when you're doing homework or with friends and your family is free? The scheduling dilemma makes it difficult if you have someone with similar timing problems, like my sister will have school when I'm free and we end up not being able to call for an extended time unless it's a weekend. It gets even harder when you consider other people like aunts, uncles and cousins you might need to keep in touch with. But even no amount of video calls replaces actually being able to spend time with your family in person, to just be able to spend time in the same place, eat a meal together or hug each other.

In all honesty, I might've considered going back this winter holiday because it does get exhausting to be away from everything you've known for so long. And I might've too, had it not been for a pandemic. Flying is never cheap and easy, doing it while risking your health and knowing you'd be unable to see most of the people you care about even if you came back made it a tougher decision.

At the time I'm writing this, I'm alone on campus, looking out my window and watching a raging snowstorm. I'm homesick and lonely, I want a hot home cooked meal and to not be this cold. I want to be able to hear my family talking in the same room instead of unmet silence in an apartment by myself. I just want to be home.

Ultimately the sacrifice is worth it, because you know they're doing this for you as much as you are for them. Being apart isn't easy for them either, but they know their support and confidence in you will be repaid in the form of your success. It's what keeps me going honestly, knowing my mom and sister will be proud of me for what I accomplish here. Until then, we'll have to settle for video calls till we get to make up for it later. 

Nuhan B. Abid is an undergraduate student at Dickinson College, Pennsylvania, USA. Write to him at abidn@dickinson.edu