The hidden struggles of single mothers in Dhaka

Beneath the surface of the city's fast-paced life, single mothers in Dhaka fight a quiet battle as they try to raise their children alone while confronting social stigma. A recent academic study has shed light on their untold stories, revealing how cultural and patriarchal norms, along with societal misconceptions, continue to define and often minimise the experiences of this marginalised group.

The study, conducted by University of Liberal Arts Bangladesh (ULAB) researchers, explored the lived experiences of nine middle-class single mothers—who were divorced, separated, and widowed—through in-depth interviews. Despite diverse scenarios, each respondent described experiencing prejudice, rebuke, and social exclusion due to deeply rooted beliefs that motherhood outside of marriage is morally flawed or socially shameful.

"People assume that because I've been divorced twice and have a child, I must be a bad woman. But no one questions a man for the same," said one respondent.

The same experience was echoed by others who shared accounts of character assassination, harassment at work, and being unfairly blamed for failed marriages. The study found that many of the women were openly accused of being responsible for their circumstances. Widows, typically viewed with sympathy, were often labelled "unfortunate."

Read more

Domestic violence in Bangladesh: When numbers speak of the silence

Single mothers often face social shame for daring to survive and sometimes thrive on their own. Women with stable jobs in media, finance, and business reported being targeted when they achieved success. Despite earning a handsome income per month, the stigma persisted. One respondent said that "even now, my relatives talk about my earnings and how I make a living. They still feel I haven't been able to raise my child properly."

In the study, single mothers reported being labelled as "bad mothers" and "reckless or irresponsible," mostly because of societal beliefs that they were unable to raise their children well or spend enough time with them.

The stigma also affects their children. One mother explained how neighbours stopped allowing their children to play with hers once her relationship status became known. "No one came to my child's birthday party," she said quietly. Another expressed concern that as her daughter grows older, she might face harsh questions about her family situation.

The impact of the stigma on mental health is profound. Several women reported suffering from anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion. Two admitted having attempted suicide due to the overwhelming pressure and judgment. Most of them began to withdraw from social life, avoiding family gatherings, limiting interactions, and remaining silent in the face of criticism.

The study emphasised that financial independence alone does not shield single mothers. In fact, at times, higher income tends to make them more visible in the society and subsequently, subject to criticism.

To survive, single mothers have developed a range of coping strategies. Some choose to conceal their marital status to avoid judgment, while others draw strength from religious faith, meditation, or supportive friends. Several women reported that their in-laws or neighbours strictly monitored their behaviour, dictating what they wore, who they met, and how they conducted themselves in public. One mother explained how wearing a hijab helped her avoid public scrutiny, while another said she avoided discussing her separation, fearing backlash from co-workers or acquaintances.

Read more

Don't let our children grow up amid garbage

"This society doesn't feed me, teach me, or help me. So why should I care what they say?" one woman said defiantly.

The study categorised these responses as "survival tactics," deliberate efforts to maintain dignity, reduce exposure to stigma, and protect their children from harm. These included drawing on inner courage, maintaining a limited group of trustworthy people and staying silent in the face of allegations.

Most single mothers who participated in the study expressed gratitude for the limited support they received, often from close friends and family. Although they also made it clear that there is a significant lack in institutional and societal support. None of them were aware of any government or NGO programmes specifically supporting single mothers in Dhaka. Several suggested the establishment of counselling centres where women could safely talk about their experiences. Others called for legal reforms, such as allowing children to name their mother as their sole legal guardian on official documents.

"The government should give us recognition. If I am raising my child alone, I should be acknowledged as the child's legal guardian," said one respondent.

The study concludes that the real burden faced by single mothers is not personal failings but rather cultural views. The women who were interviewed were survivors of divorce, husbands' demise, abuse, and abandonment. They are not victims by choice.

The researchers concluded the study by urging for greater social awareness, educational initiatives, and inclusive policies to counteract the discrimination faced by single mothers and ensure equal rights and dignity for them.

Sayra Khan is senior broadcast journalist at Independent Television Limited.

Views expressed in this article are the author's own. 

Follow The Daily Star Opinion on Facebook for the latest opinions, commentaries and analyses by experts and professionals. To contribute your article or letter to The Daily Star Opinion, see our guidelines for submission.