Are first-year friendships truly doomed to fail?

Imagine this: you are a university freshman riding the high of finally being done with admission exams, relishing the freedom of adulthood and higher education. You take in the new places, new faces, and manoeuvre the first couple of semesters with a mix of dread and anticipation. Everyone else around you is in the same boat, and, to your delight, you actually end up building a rapport with some of them.

The pain of not being able to attend university with your childhood friends lessens ever so slightly, and you feel a lot less lonely as you find yourself laughing among a relatively large group of people.

That is, until you meet the derisive smiles of your seniors as they kindly inform you that the friends who make your university won't be there for long. You hop onto social media and see countless posts mocking "first-year friend groups wanting to stay friends forever", taking away half the joy of making new connections.

Against your better judgment, you start looking at your friends with some suspicion. Are they long-term friendship material, or are they secretly the two-faced wolves in sheep's clothing you're being warned about? Is it naive of you to expect that the group of people with whom you seem to click superbly will manage to make it through the next four years?

Truth be told, that is not something you should worry about right now. As a student in her final semester of undergraduate life, I believe I possess some credentials to speak on this matter, having experienced both the quintessential university friend group breakup and managed to hold onto the people I truly care about.

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Why making friends in university is more important than you think

Entering university is a "jarring" experience from a social perspective. It feels much easier to make friends as children. You spend your formative years together, which means you influence and mould each other to be the people you are today. University is uncharted territory to begin with, and it doesn't help that as you grow into yourself, the more difficult it is for you to find connection.

When you first meet your university friends, you may bond over your favourite music or film, shared experiences in class, or the first quiz that seemed to appear at the speed of light. It does not take deep familiarity to sing a familiar song along with your friend strumming the guitar, or to have a good time while sharing stories over tea.

Since you are just starting out, your focus should be to make the transition easier for yourself and observe the people around you to find a circle that works for you. The reason university friend groups formed during the early days fall apart is due to the fact that the connection is often forged at face value.

Underneath, you may have conflicting ideologies or just a general difference in how you like to approach life, and this comes to light over time. Such friend groups are bound to drift away. It does not have to be an explosive melodrama as it is often painted to be, although you are very likely to witness a few fiascos as well.

So, to answer the question we started with—yes, the odds are stacked against the friend group you forge during the first week of class. While this is not a hard and fast rule, we've established that the reason your friend group may scatter is a valid one.

The fact of the matter is, friendship is a connection that should happen naturally, and if you're not enjoying the company of those around you, it is pointless to care about how your social life is being perceived. You may distance yourself from the people you originally clicked with to become closer to a group you may fit into better.

You may be among the unlucky ones who end up not making any lasting friendships, and that is fine as well.

At the end of the day, friends lend you a space of comfort to ease the burdens of your daily life. Human relationships are complicated, and change is inevitable. The shifting dynamics with others in your vicinity should not weigh on you at the early stages, regardless of the derisions and jokes. So, if you are a freshman, put yourself out there, and hopefully, you will finish strong with a social life that you are content with.

Zabin is an engineering student at the Islamic University of Technology, a chronically online night owl, and a sufferer of many migraines. Find her at: [email protected]