The burden of university admission expectations

Throughout my high-school life, I have held a decent academic record, enough to satisfy my parents and not too shabby to feel bad about myself. However, this same record brought with it an unforeseen curse of unrealistic expectations from teachers and peers.

While it is completely fine for teachers to have certain expectations from their students, it becomes toxic when these projected hopes become unrealistic. This usually happens when a particular student reaches above-average academic achievements.

Consequently, teachers expect other students with a similar academic proficiency to attain similar achievements by getting accepted into prestigious institutions abroad or top public universities in the country.

Often, the respect students get from their teachers is dependent upon whether or not the pupil meets their expectations. The fact that not everyone has the economic resources to pursue relevant extracurricular activities or apply to universities abroad is of little importance.

This can be harmful because if a student is not accepted to a prestigious institution, they often break down mentally. Unfortunately, students tie up their ability to succeed with what their teachers and peers project onto them. So, when they fail to meet the overarching expectations of their friends and teachers, they believe that they are simply not good enough for succeeding in anything else.

To rub salt into the wound, your friends getting into top colleges can make matters worse. In such cases, the ones who succeed may socially alienate the ones who were not able to make it to the top.

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At that point, imposter syndrome starts to kick in when your friends reach the top while you may be unable to reach the same heights. A quote from the movie 3 Idiots encapsulates this feeling perfectly: "It makes one very sad if a friend fails, but it makes them even sadder if a friend comes first."

But, what can one do to cope with such incidents? While it may seem very difficult to deal with, the truth is external expectations should not make us concerned. Most of the time, their expectations are not what we expect from ourselves but rather their presumptions about us. This means that their projections are solely their problem and none of yours. Understanding this can ease the discomfort we have about not meeting those inflated expectations.

Additionally, ask yourself what you really want for yourself. Is your wish to study abroad really something you want for yourself or is it because you want to live up to expectations? Do you really wish to leave your family behind for this? Do you really wish to study in a public university, even if the social climate may not be suitable for you? Separate your own thoughts and goals from what people expect from you and you will be able to choose the best course of action for yourself.

Learning to let go of the toxic projections of your friends and teachers is not necessarily fighting those expectations nor resenting them, but rather putting them rightly where they belong: out of your head!

Hrishik is trying to live up to the expectations of his friends and teachers these days. Catch him ranting about failing to meet those expectations at hrdibbo@gmail.com