Growing tired of friends

An unprecedented change that I have encountered in the past year is coming in terms with the fact that I've grown tired of many of my friends. It's not an easy thing to accept, especially during the period when friends are expected to form the core of one's social network.

It doesn't mean that the relationships have been terminated or that there's bad blood. It's an awareness that not all relationships work.

I experienced this during my undergrad years, particularly the last year, when I was faced with living it up while I can and making responsible choices simultaneously. After speaking to multiple people about these developing sentiments, I came to understand that this happens in different ways for many. We don't often talk about it but a little reassessment and reengagement is essential from time to time.

WHY DO WE GROW TIRED OF FRIENDS?

This was the question I mulled over for a long time. I think we feel this sense of resignation largely because of personal growth. As maturity dawns upon us, we begin to see the world around us differently while adjusting to responsibilities and recalculating priorities. It's during this transitory phase that we often learn who will stick around through thick and thin. In reality, most people we acquire as "friends" are not really up for that kind of investment on bonds. Ultimately, we either let them go or we maintain a cordial relationship. An outcome of personal growth is often a keen understanding of what we seek and more often than not, most people end up not fitting the bill.

Usually the relationships disintegrate organically. It's marked by occasional meetings or just saying hi when out and about. Some require more effort and need to be severed, especially when you identify toxicity in it. There are multiple ways in which the execution takes place but they stem from similar reasons. Once we have more on our plates, we evaluate what matters and we adjust accordingly. We don't want to maintain relationships that don't feel good and are high maintenance. It's perfectly normal to want less things to handle on a day-to-day basis.

LEARNING TO DEAL WITH IT

Initially this can be disheartening and difficult, particularly if your close friends are not in the same phase in life as you. Some won't be very understanding and this will cause rifts in some cases. Others will be okay with letting you be and will pick up where you left off when the time is right. The best thing to do is to just embrace it. It's important to respect one's own boundaries just as much as it is to respect others'. Relationships are not meant to be forced and if it's not working, just let it go. Taking some time off can even help improve relationships that feel strained.

It's important to remember than undergoing this process doesn't necessarily mean that one's friend circle is going to shrink. It can even force one to socialise more and expand their network. At the same time not all relationships will disintegrate but one can develop a better understanding or a new perspective on how they engage with their existing circles and on relationships they build in the future. Ultimately, this can even help develop emotional intelligence - and that always pays off.

Nooha Sabanta Maula is a recent Anthropology graduate who is figuring out her life. Send her your thoughts and feedback to noohamaula@gmail.com