Government officially launches The Snitches Club

The Government of Chapasthan officially launched The Snitches Club earlier yesterday. An initiative of the Ministry of Misinformation, the club was inaugurated by the country's leader, who attended virtually from their official residence.

The Snitches Club comes with the motto "Snitches get riches" and promises bounty for its top-performing members. To join, one needs to sign up at the www.snitchesclub.com website, which has the worst user-interface imaginable.

The primary duty of a Snitches club member is to monitor the Facebook status of everyone in the world and find those that they believe "tarnish the image of the country".

"Find those who are speaking inconvenient truths about the government and this regime and file cases against them under the newly passed Very Vague Law. This will prevent everyone from bad-mouthing everyone else, unless they wear a different colour," a spokesman for the ministry said.

The Very Vague Law is vague enough that cases filed under it do not have to be restricted to the digital sphere only. If anyone says the wrong thing at any rally and hurts the country's already very fragile ego, then action can be taken against them too.

"If anyone hurts your patriotic sentiment by saying anything against this beautiful, middle-income country of ours, then please sign up for our club and start filing the cases. Our law enforcers will help you at every step," Misinformation Minister Bakaya Saki said.

The head of Chapasthan's police, Junaid Alam, also welcomed the decision. "It usually takes us a decade to make any head way into murders. But with this, it is usually an open and shut case. If you are a government-leaning snowflake, then polish up your emotions because they are about to get really hurt."

For many government veterans, who have fallen out of the party's favours, or those who want to fast-track their career progression, the club offers ample opportunities.   The website promises points per case filed successful. Those with maximum points get a presidential pardon, a coveted seat at the party and a piece of land forcefully grabbed from those less fortunate.