If you've been in Dhaka lately, congratulations—you're essentially chain-smoking without lifting a single cigarette to your lips. Yes, folks, our city's air quality has reached such hazardous levels that stepping outside is now equivalent to puffing on 22 cigarettes a day. This makes Dhaka the only place where non-smokers can get lung cancer while saving on lighter fluid, fighting the cost of living one Sunlite lighter at a time.

In light of these alarming developments, the environment ministry has swooped in with groundbreaking advice: "Wear masks" and "stay indoors unless absolutely necessary." A heartfelt thanks for that nugget of wisdom, but isn't this like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound? I mean, we're not exactly breathing air anymore; it's more of a gritty, sandpaper-like cocktail with top notes of carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide. The kind of drink even a drunk factory chimney would reject. But maybe staying indoors might aid the deadly traffic congestion if not our nasal congestion?

To point out the obvious irony of the situation here. Just a few years ago, masks were an accessory forced on us by a pandemic. We hated them. Now, thanks to our government's stellar environmental policies (read: none), masks are back, this time to save us from turning our lungs into charcoal briquettes. I wonder what's next? Oxygen tanks as the new trend-bags? "Winter 2024 must-have: portable air purifiers. Available in matte black and Gulshan gold."

Moreover, the ministry's suggestion to "sensitive individuals" during these escalated circumstances is to avoid going out altogether! Define sensitive. Do they mean people with asthma, young children, or anyone who likes their lungs functioning? Or does it include those of us who can't handle their boss's micro-management but still must trudge to work through this invisible soup of death?

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Act now to check winter air pollution

One would think Dhaka's air would clear up after the rains. Nope. We're so committed to pollution that not even nature can wash away our sins. Construction dust, unregulated factories, and traffic fumes combine to create an air quality cocktail that would knock out a power plant. Forget smoking zones; we need breathing zones—designated areas where you can inhale without fear of developing emphysema by lunchtime.

But what truly baffles me is how casually we're all taking this. In any other part of the world, an Air Quality Index of 392 would spark mass panic. Here? It's just another Wednesday. People are jogging in parks, aunties are haggling over vegetables, and politicians are busy pointing fingers instead of planting trees. It's like living in a dystopian film where the characters are blissfully unaware that the apocalypse is well underway.

Meanwhile, those trying to quit smoking might as well give up their nicotine patches. Why go cold turkey when you can get your daily fix just by breathing? Dhaka's air isn't unhealthy—it's efficient. One deep inhale, and you've got a pack of Marlboro Reds in your system without the pesky expense.

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The unseen cost of Dhaka’s toxic air

Of course, there's always someone trying to see the silver lining—or in this case, the grey smog. "But it's winter! The weather is so wonderful!" Yes, wonderful enough for the haze to settle like a toxic blanket, smothering every attempt at optimism. Try sipping tea on your balcony while pretending you're in a Jane Austen novel when your chest feels like it's auditioning for a respiratory clinic's version of Lux Superstar.

And let's not forget the global index shame. Dhaka consistently ranks among the most polluted cities in the world. We're number one, but not for anything we want to brag about. This isn't the Cricket World Cup, folks—it's a health crisis. Yet, here we are, at least some Dhakaites, more concerned about how to navigate the tri-state (Gulshan-Baridhara-Banani) traffic crisis than how to navigate the air that's trying to kill us.

What's the solution, you ask? Oh, it's simple—move to Mars, because fixing this mess would require actual commitment to reducing emissions, regulating construction, planting trees, and, you know, caring about the people breathing in this city. Radical ideas, I know. Until then, invest in good masks, or get a lifetime air purifier subscription for clean lungs—if such a thing even exists.

Barrister Noshin Nawal is a member of the editorial team at The Daily Star and an environmental activist.

Views expressed in this article are the author's own.

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