The big Eid detox: Because that wasn’t just one cheat day

If your fridge isn't already stuffed with meat, don't worry. It will be.

There will be beef. And there will be more beef. Then there'll be shemai, ghee-laced biryani, "experimental" fusion dishes your cousin swears by, and fizzy drinks pretending to be refreshing but actually turning your gut into a science project.

And while you should indulge because, let's be honest, Eid is about love, family, and licking rezala off your elbow, it's not a bad idea to also plan a bit of a comeback. A soft, digestive reboot. Because after 3-7 straight days of partying in your mouth (and your stomach filing complaints with HR), your body might be begging for a timeout.

So, what are we really doing to ourselves?

It's not just the beef. It's the full Eid combo pack:

• Oily fried snacks
• Sugary desserts on every visit
• Rich, heavy meals
• Zero fibre
• Barely any water
• No movement, whatsoever

Instead of walking off meals, we roll from one dawat to the next like human butterballs. It's cultural. We're not built for daily step goals. As Rabindranath Tagore put it (unintentionally describing post-Eid Bangladesh): Amra shobai raja, amader ei rajotte. We're all kings in our own kingdoms. And kings don't do cardio. Kings ride rickshaws. Fast ones, preferably electric. If walking's involved, we lie down and reconsider our life choices.

So, what happens as a result?

Uric acid shoots up from all the red meat, sometimes triggering gout and joint pain. Cholesterol levels spike, especially if you've made fried liver your new love language. Sugar and ghee overload leads to bloating, inflammation, and energy crashes. Add to that low fibre equalling slow digestion. Your gut basically turns into Farmgate market on a bad day.

Fun dinner table fact: Cows release more methane into the atmosphere than all the world's cars combined. So technically, by eating them, you're doing your part for the planet. Fewer cows, less burping, slightly less global warming.

But hey, ease up. Even Batman takes a day off.

Cheat day? Nah. Welcome to the Cheat Festival

What starts as "just one plate" turns into nine days of food-mageddon. You try to say no, but your khala shows up with kala bhuna, your boro chachi breaks out the legendary kheer surprise, and suddenly you're halfway through your third dessert and asking yourself how you got here.

Nobody's judging. It's Eid. We're built for excess. But when it's all over and you're left feeling like a stuffed aaloo chop, here's how to reel it back in.

The Big Eid Detox Plan (No fancy first-world kale)

This isn't a diet. This is damage control. Let's keep it simple.

1. Hydrate like you mean it

• Aim for 2.5–3 litres of water per day.
• Add lemon, mint, or cucumber if you're fancy.
• Coconut water, ORSaline, light green tea (even if it tastes like watered cardboard).

2. Reintroduce real food (aka fibre)

• Start meals with salads or cooked veggies.
• Go back to dal, shobji, and fruit.
• Add isobgul or chia seeds in water at night. Works like a mop for your insides.

3. Ease off the beef

• Choose grilled chicken, fish, or pulses for a few days.
• Limit beef to once a week during recovery (your kidneys are waving thank-you banners).
• Tell relatives you're "on light food for now." Instant respect. Maybe.

4. Move, even a little

• 15–20 minutes of walking every day.
• Stretch while scrolling. Dance while cooking.
• Fake a phone call and pace like a boss. Movement counts.

5. Sleep = Recovery

• Try 7–8 hours of real sleep (not YouTube-scrolling-while-lying-down).
• Your body repairs itself at night.
• Help it. Don't sabotage it with post-dawat doom scrolling.

But hey, don't guilt yourself either

You celebrated, you feasted, you made memories. That's what Eid is for.

This isn't about punishing yourself for enjoying good food. This is about resetting, so you don't feel like a potato wearing jeans by the end of the month.

So, whether you're reading this before Eid and planning ahead (gold star for you), or reading this post-Eid with a regret-flavoured burp, just know: your body will bounce back. You just gotta give it a fighting chance.