Story of an ‘Unaccompanied Minor’: A tribute to Matthew Perry
Matthew Perry's Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (Flatiron Books, 2022) is like Chandler Bing's witty banter bottled up and spilled onto the pages. Unlike Chandler's fictional life, Matthew Perry's journey ended in a way that was far from a sitcom ending, with him tragically passing on October 28, 2023. Born in 1969, Perry was an American and Canadian actor, playwright, and writer. On almost every other page of his memoir, he wrote how he should have been dead. Now that I read the book after his demise—to me, the narrative draws a circle. You will be able to bear witness to his days as a newborn all the way to the time when his addiction ruled his senses and the multiple times he took back control.
"I don't write all this so anyone will feel sorry for me—I write these words because they are true. I write them because someone else may be confused by the fact that they know they should stop drinking— like me, they have all the information, and they understand the consequences. But they still can't stop drinking. You are not alone, my brothers and sisters. (In the dictionary under the word "addict", there should be a picture of me looking around, very confused.)"
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How can one not admire his sense of humour?
In the book, he called himself a 'professional patient', describing his extreme lows and highs, insecurities, and accomplishments. A gaping hole caused by years of addiction to prescription drugs, smoking, and alcohol. He had basically laid his soul bare. As a fan of Friends, it's impossible not to see Chandler Bing in Perry's words. His wit, sarcasm, and ability to find hilarity in the most unexpected places—it's all there. He recounts his experience of addiction with a dark wit that is both shocking and strangely comforting. Although his descriptions of his struggles are often comical, they never diminish the seriousness of his circumstances.
I couldn't put the book down until the final page. I wish I had read it the year it was published, when he was still alive. Perry's haunting reflection on his own survival—"At this point in my life, the words of gratitude pour out of me because I should be dead, and yet somehow I am not. There must be a reason for that. It's simply too hard for me to understand if there isn't"—echoed in my mind long after I finished the book. Knowing the outcome beforehand only deepened the tragedy.
It's almost as if Matthew Perry was destined to write this book. He was given extra time to share his story with the world. His memoir became an instant New York Times bestseller, selling millions of copies. Even before his tragic passing, it was temporarily out of print worldwide, an exemplification of its appeal. Initially, the manuscript was titled "An Unaccompanied Minor", a fitting description for a man who often felt alone and adrift.
As a reader, you will feel sorry and relate to Perry who, more than everything else, craved attention and stability. He assumed the role of the entertainer in the house, "the Fool to the entire court". After his parents separated, he went to live with his mom. His mother was the press secretary for former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. In his narrative, he describes her as a strong, independent woman who was often absent due to her demanding career. This absence, combined with his father's struggles—were the building blocks of Matthew Perry's loneliness and insecurity. He sought attention and validation through humour, a coping mechanism that served him throughout his life.
There were moments where it felt like this book was written, edited, and printed in one go. Matthew Perry tells us a story in layman's terms. He describes medication, side effects, withdrawal symptoms, and how fame or money didn't really matter when it came to filling the void for good. Throughout the book, he tells us how reality is an acquired taste, which he failed to fathom over the course of his youth and adult life. As a "tourist in sobriety" he had to comprehend the phenomenon very late in life, but he was glad he did.
Matthew Perry, who has won millions of hearts across the globe, rightfully blamed his addiction for destroying his opioid receptors to the point where he was always bummed out. This resulted in him developing "Covid of the understanding" (losing both the taste and smell of reality). Now, when you read the book, it would seem as if he prophesied his death. He wrote, "I frantically began to pray-with the desperation of a drowning man. The last time I'd prayed, right before I'd gotten Friends, I'd managed only to strike a Faustian bargain with a God, who had simply drawn a long breath and bided his damn time."
A man with quick witty comebacks—despite all his struggles—managed to give Hollywood some of the best works in the years to come. Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is a beautifully written and deeply moving book. It is a must-read for fans of Friends and anyone interested in the human experience. Matthew Perry did not shy away from the details, sharing his experiences with a vulnerability that's both heart-breaking and inspiring.
Salwah Chowdhury is a bookworm and a toddler mom who works full-time at an NGO. She loves the rush of thinking, reading, and writing and takes on freelance projects every now and then. Please follow her on Instagram @salwah_chowdhury and share any book recommendations or your thoughts on the article.
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