Single woman starts third master’s degree to avoid getting married

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a Higher Secondary Certificate must be in want of a husband. Or at least, in Bangladeshi societies, it is.

Anikah Chowdhury, a woman who is about to attend the wedding of a younger cousin, predicts the events she expects to encounter as December rolls around. She expects this season to bring with it an inbox full of gaudy e-cards from people who finally gave up on their avoidant situationships and decided that their parents had a point about arranged marriages.

“As a 25-year-old woman with no money or prospects, my marital status is treated similarly to a matter of national crisis whenever I muster the courage to announce my presence at social gatherings. This leads to an inevitable conversation that unfortunate spinsters such as us are always subject to over dinners, turning even the prospect of sneakily acquiring an extra piece of biryanir aloo unappetising.”

It starts off innocently enough with a simple question regarding your future. But one must remember that social gatherings, aside from being a wonderful way to catch up with friends and family, are a complex ritual of diplomacy that tests how well you can get away with thinly veiled condescension. So, before you start talking about your accomplishments, prepare to be inquired with the age- old question: “So, maa, what about marriage?”

“On one hand, you’re happy that the conversation has shifted from a fatal flaw in the bride’s wedding ensemble or the inadequacies of the food served during the ceremony. On the other hand, you feel tempted to make a snide remark yourself to distract everyone,” says Anikah. “But of course, you have to take the high road. You’ve got to hope that the interrogator in question, who’s probably your father’s second cousin’s wife’s third cousin who met you once when you were five months old and is offended that you don’t recognise them, won’t start bragging about how much money their son-in-law makes and instead leaves you alone.”

When asked about how she has been manoeuvring such tricky situations for the past few years, Anikah shrugs and says, “I think you have to realise that it never gets easier. You’ll probably receive your first marriage proposal at a random wedding when you’re barely out of college, and your family will probably defend you on account of you being young. As the years pass, you’re the only one who has your back, and the attacks get more aggressive. Soon, the marriage proposals go from decent prospects to men with three felonies and a recent declaration of bankruptcy, but what is a marriage without compromise?”

Anikah believes that the best way to dissuade parents who are on the hunt for a daughter-in-law is to establish that you are a person with thoughts and opinions. And what better way to display that than an education certificate?

“When I undertook my first master’s degree, it was simply a way for me to postpone growing up for another year. However, after being successfully employed, I ran out of acceptable excuses for why I didn’t want to get married immediately, so I decided to get a second degree. This is now my third master’s degree, and if all goes well, I’ll be able to create a longer delay by signing up for a PhD.”

Anikah believes the only acceptable form of coercion about getting married should come from her as she tells her friends to grow up and throw a grand wedding. All this so that she can dance at their holud and take photos for Instagram, not distant relatives with an unmarried son or nephew.