Youth

Four Chambered Walls

The alarm went off just as the dawn broke through the corner of the indigo shaded curtains; 6:45 AM, 24th October, Saturday. Same as yesterday, the day before that, the entirety of October, call it a few months even.

More and more I get caught up with a sudden void pushing me off the edge, an utter emptiness slowly devouring me like quicksand.

— What is a quicksand even?

Like an unfathomable wave of agony stuck in my throat, I jumble through the perfect words to say.

Quicksand, is in fact, an inescapable surface —

If I push too hard I might drown

If I numb myself, I might choke

Either way, I'm going downhill

Until I hit the rock bottom.

I wake up, just as every other day. I surf through the internet. I eat, shower, look at the cat playing with a ball of crumpled up paper behind the dustbin. I see a winter breeze sway away the remaining dried up leaves out of that big old larch; waiting for its turn to decay as all his fallen friends lie about the ground in harmony. Behind the vein-like branches I witness an iridescent sunset slowly being engulfed by the ten-storeyed buildings.

I never really realise when the day passes by. Even though I've scheduled my routines and to-do lists in a perfectly fine manner, I always seem to miss out on something else. I attend the classes and take down notes. I let the term papers pile up till the deadline hits. I eventually survive the pressure quietly as well and somehow I turn out just fine.

I wash the dishes, change the bed sheets, iron my clothes, and brush my teeth just fine. I even feed the poor stray cat tired of running outside the alley.

We had a friendly chat and a mutual agreement that she may come and go from time to time but never settle.

I must not wait for her return. Neither do I mourn at her sudden departure. Yet, at her unwelcoming arrival, I let her slide beneath my feet with a swift hello. But she never settles, not for long.

Maybe that's what was eating me away. I've settled myself in these four chambered walls. I do the same things all day, every day. I've accepted the sunset only has a crimson hue. I've accepted the darkness that falls over this oblivious city. I've settled for too little and now that I want to be set free, these four chambered walls wouldn't let me be.

Maybe this is my quicksand. Maybe I am a sunset.

And my fears are slowly engulfing me. Sometimes, I even let it.

 

The writer is a student of marketing at the University of Dhaka.

 

Comments

Four Chambered Walls

The alarm went off just as the dawn broke through the corner of the indigo shaded curtains; 6:45 AM, 24th October, Saturday. Same as yesterday, the day before that, the entirety of October, call it a few months even.

More and more I get caught up with a sudden void pushing me off the edge, an utter emptiness slowly devouring me like quicksand.

— What is a quicksand even?

Like an unfathomable wave of agony stuck in my throat, I jumble through the perfect words to say.

Quicksand, is in fact, an inescapable surface —

If I push too hard I might drown

If I numb myself, I might choke

Either way, I'm going downhill

Until I hit the rock bottom.

I wake up, just as every other day. I surf through the internet. I eat, shower, look at the cat playing with a ball of crumpled up paper behind the dustbin. I see a winter breeze sway away the remaining dried up leaves out of that big old larch; waiting for its turn to decay as all his fallen friends lie about the ground in harmony. Behind the vein-like branches I witness an iridescent sunset slowly being engulfed by the ten-storeyed buildings.

I never really realise when the day passes by. Even though I've scheduled my routines and to-do lists in a perfectly fine manner, I always seem to miss out on something else. I attend the classes and take down notes. I let the term papers pile up till the deadline hits. I eventually survive the pressure quietly as well and somehow I turn out just fine.

I wash the dishes, change the bed sheets, iron my clothes, and brush my teeth just fine. I even feed the poor stray cat tired of running outside the alley.

We had a friendly chat and a mutual agreement that she may come and go from time to time but never settle.

I must not wait for her return. Neither do I mourn at her sudden departure. Yet, at her unwelcoming arrival, I let her slide beneath my feet with a swift hello. But she never settles, not for long.

Maybe that's what was eating me away. I've settled myself in these four chambered walls. I do the same things all day, every day. I've accepted the sunset only has a crimson hue. I've accepted the darkness that falls over this oblivious city. I've settled for too little and now that I want to be set free, these four chambered walls wouldn't let me be.

Maybe this is my quicksand. Maybe I am a sunset.

And my fears are slowly engulfing me. Sometimes, I even let it.

 

The writer is a student of marketing at the University of Dhaka.

 

Comments

‘যিনি আ. লীগের নেতৃত্বে আসবেন, তিনি অপরাধী না হলে কেন রাজনীতি করতে পারবেন না’

রিজভী বলেন, ‘অনেকে প্রশ্ন তুলছেন, আওয়ামী লীগ রাজনীতি করতে পারবে কিনা। কিন্তু এই কথা উঠছে না, যারা গণহত্যা চালিয়েছে তাদের বিচার হবে কিনা?’

১ ঘণ্টা আগে