After the 549th fire incident that could've easily been avoided if businesses weren't absolute pieces of … or if fire-safety measures were a tiny bit better, the nation was shocked once again. 

By now, every average citizen knows why the incident happened. Politicians, however, are still confused. They're still trying to figure out if it was an accident, the result of negligence, or conspiracy by the opposition.

But believing stupid citizens is a big no-no. To get definitive answers, Satireday sat down with Md Samir Mahmud, owner of the now burnt-up cargo area in Pattogram.

Satireday: So, what caused the fire?

Samir: I'm gonna be honest with you, because I'm an honest man. In fact, I think I'm the most truthful man in the entire country. This was pure negligence.

Satireday: Great, so you're admitting to…

Samir: Negligence of the workers.

Satireday: Oh, great.

Samir: You see, I do everything for these workers. I pay them for their work. I make eye-contact with them. And yet, what did they give me in return? A burnt-up cargo area. Had they been more cautious, this wouldn't have happened.

Satireday: But the place didn't have adequate fire safety measures. Plus, you kept chemicals there.

Samir: Absolute nonsense. I bought a large fire extinguisher for the area five years ago. We also had a bucket of water nearby. And what's all this about chemicals? Chemicals are everywhere, in the food we eat, the clothes we wear; we're made of chemicals!

Satireday: No, like, the flammable ones.

Samir: What does "flammable" really mean? Have you ever thought about that? Everything can be set on fire; it's all flammable. Except water, and that's why we had the bucket there.

Satireday: But you broke the law and didn't even inform firefighters that you're a piece of … that you had chemicals there.

Samir: Rules are meant to be broken, sweety. Business is war, and I can't lose. Next time, firefighters should keep these things in mind.

Satireday: Finally, what measures are you taking after this disaster?

Samir: I would like to apologise on behalf of my stupid workers. We will add another bucket of water for the area. We would've added two, but as you can see, I took a huge financial hit. People like us need to think about the economy.

Besides, I'll be financially assisting all families affected by this incident. What do you think, will Tk 10 lakh be enough to make them forget and be happy? Man, I'm so generous. The whole country should remember how humanitarian I am.