Cheat officer appointed to look after finances of all large corporations

When you have corruption in your business. When your business partner steals all the money you were planning to steal. When you have product delivery services take your money in a backpack with a bang and disappear to a deep dark valley where you can never get it back. Who you gonna call?

Now you have someone. The government recently appointed Labiba Habiba as the official Cheat Officer (CO), not to be confused with other people who start their introductions at wedding parties with two Cs. Labiba Shabuba has taken on the job to reduce the heat of international governing agencies crying that we have too much unrestrained corruption. Cut down bad business practices to grow and so on and stuff.

"Corruption is like the moon, without it there is utter chaos," stated Patel Shwarma of the South Indian Mustachioed Businessperson's Association. They've been filing verbal corruption cases against many local firms, but no action has been taken, mainly due to difficulty in understanding the accent.

Photo: Alice Pasqual

Habiba Marhaba Labiba has been in office for exactly 63 days and she has already taken some strong corrective measures. She started with drafting old, existing laws into illustrated manuals showing corruption is bad, mmkay? These manuals were then handed out to business owners who strongly appreciated the colourful artwork showing cash taken under the table is darker than cash taken over the desk. Their appreciation was shown through supportive donations via vKash app (number provided at the end of the article).

Shabiba Fariba then went on to take extreme steps to reduce the heat put on by donor agencies and anti-corruption bodies. She encouraged people to cut down trees all across the city. Experts claimed this was a bold strategic move. Donor agencies now turned their attention to the actual rising heat in the city, potentially leading to an ecological meltdown. People started dying because of the resulting heatwave.

The good of the many outweigh the good of the few … good … few poor people. No one was looking at corporate and business corruption anymore. As a result, things started getting back to normal, meaning business continued as usual.

"It takes money to make money, preferably other people's money," said Tanvir Sultan, MBA. "International donor agencies have been too focused on corporate and business corruption, and the creative moves by Lafiba Shamira have taken the heat off what really matters: business," he explained.

Despite her stellar results, many people have criticised the actions of the cheat officer. They have gone on to social media and have misspelled her name over and over in outrage. Trolls are having a field day because it is easy to attack a woman on social media, generally. The traditional patriarchy feels women are still not capable of taking on challenging new social objectives. It is a social construct that we at Satireday fight constantly by ensuring women employed here have the same equal rights and salaries as other women. As such, we rally behind the CCO Larifa Labira.