Quitting my previous job was a tough decision. The questions and comments I received for this were harrowing, to say the least. While they may have come from a place of concern, the good intention did nothing to lessen my apprehension. It only added to the pressure I felt after making such a big decision.

Here's a list of things better left unsaid to someone who just quit their job. Truth be told, if they wanted to talk about it, they would have told you already.

What happened? Why did you quit?

There can be multitudes of reasons for leaving (e.g. workload, remuneration, and environment). It is also possible that the person had different goals in mind that would not align with the pathway this workplace had to offer. If we assume that something unfavourable did happen, they are probably not ready to speak about it at this time. Additionally, it is an impolite question to ask.

Where are you joining? Good luck with your new job!

Do not assume that they have been offered a different, (even worse: better) job. The idea of constantly pushing forward, doing something bigger and better sounds appealing in theory. In reality, it is not sustainable. It can eat away your productivity, lead to a burnout and affect your physical and mental health. As for the answer, maybe they have not decided yet.

Are you moving back to your hometown?

Whatever the answer, this question is just plain rude. It's condescending, pointless, and distressing to respond to. Say nothing instead. That is much better.

Would you be interested in creating free content for my start-up?

No, the answer is always no. It often comes from new start-ups. It is disrespectful to ask someone to offer their time, energy and creativity for free. If you cannot pay for a service, try to do it yourself or keep it aside for the moment.

Anything related to money

I will never not find this one shocking. I was sometimes asked about money while I was working. The questions came from acquaintances and strangers and even from a doctor, once. Money is a sensitive topic for most people. Asking someone about their personal finances is not a good idea and it is an even worse idea when they just quit.

These questions are inappropriate in various degrees. They make people feel discouraged and result in residual resentment.

Allow me to give you a guide to the things you can say to them instead.

"How are you doing now?"

"Would you like to talk about it? I am here to listen."

"You did a great job there. I'm sure you will do amazing in the future as well."

The rule of thumb here is to be kind and hold space for them to share what they want.

Shimin reads everything she can find, talks to cats, and writes a lot of letters. Send her a book at shim.mush@gmail.com