Applying for the best job in the world

DIGITAL DONS AND SONS

The latest start-up in town catering to the digital marketing industry is looking forward to expanding its team. Within only a week of its establishment, it has managed to gather a sizeable share of clientele. To keep up with this growing demand, the company is hiring an all-rounder employee who can fulfil the roles of a graphic designer, copywriter, data analyst and a motivational speaker. The four founding members, too ambitious to work under any entity, gripped by the fever of entrepreneurship and driven by countless inspirational videos, are looking for a dynamic and young individual like themselves. Eligibility criteria and other information are listed below:

Vacancy position: 01

JOB REQUIREMENTS

- Graduation with a CGPA of at least 3.99 out of 4. (4 out of 4 is not necessary because we value real talent over academic scores.)

- Recent graduates are highly encouraged to apply with at least 7 years of job experience in reputed companies and must have been close friends with the top management employees. 

- Must be willing to work at any time of the day and night. (We encourage our clients not to hesitate to call us for a service even at 3 AM)

- Must have excellent interpersonal skills and manipulative power through which customers can be made to acquiesce to any of the company's demands. 

- Should be willing to work from anywhere, be it Sadarghat or San Francisco. (We may have only one branch now, but business is blooming and with the current rate, we will have multiple local and global operations in no time.)

- Must have high connections to multiple patrons.

- Willing to motivate and boost everyone's mood in the office to enhance productivity.

- Must be able to make delicious coffee and clean work stations. 

- Should be prepared to have dreams crushed. 

- Possess an amazing sense of humour and should tag colleagues and bosses in the latest memes.

- Must have a good set of white teeth that sparkles whenever displayed.

RESPONSIBILITIES

- Present ideas and propositions through heart-touching and tear-jerking MS PowerPoint slides and speeches with a constant, unwavering smile in the presence of rude and unapologetic clients.

- Must be a top notch graphic designer with the ability to execute crazy ideas, create instant designs and meet unrealistic expectations of customers.  

- Dealing with data analysis and collection like a tech wizard. Delivering what the project manager promised the client within the deadline, come what may. Time and resource limitations are for the weak. 

- Dealing with a bad temper of the employers due to problems in their personal lives.

- Making amazing coffee with awakening powers of an anti-slumber magical potion, whenever asked to.

- Working under immense pressure with no time for collapsing on the floor or having a breakdown.

- Conducting a motivational seminar for the entre office every weekend.

REMUNERATION

The first 24 months will be probationary and the remuneration will be not be monetary during that period, since Digital Dons and Sons believes that the experience and exposure one will be gaining will surpass that of any financial incentive. Upon completion and subsequent achievement of a permanent position, the salary will be negotiable.

Send us your one-page CV in PDF along with a cover letter of minimum 5000 words answering the questions below at dons&sonsisheretorule@gmail.com

1. Why should we hire you?

2. How to actually cure cancer?

Deadline: January 31, 2019, 11.59 PM

Iqra suffers from wanderlust, dreams of discovering the Loch Ness Monster and occasionally complains about Economics. Tell her to get a life at iqra.kashmir53@gmail.com