Postscript

First Place in the School of International Approval

AASHA MEHREEN AMIN

In a world where competition is the name of the game, it is not surprising that everything we do or say will be ranked and evaluated through placements, awards or some kind of tangible means of recognition. It helps us to assess our achievements, our failures, our highs and our lows. Often entire nations are given accolades or positions as a way of judging how well or badly they are doing in the School of International Approval.

Take TI's (Translucency International's) latest report on corruption. Bangladesh, which has, for so many years bagged the front ranks in the 'most corrupt' category, has made a mind-blowing turnaround through its transformation of its law enforcing agencies. The survey has come with incredible findings: 92 percent of traffic police have been found to be not only honest but really helpful, even charming at times. Instead of pocketing a few hundred takas in exchange for amnesty from uncalled for harassment of ordinary citizens, police are now busy apprehending real offenders, admonishing them gently in the case of minor violations and taking the real criminals (killer truck and bus drivers) to court. Secret camera footage have revealed these angels of law enforcement actually to be blushing and protesting vehemently when citizens have brought out money as reflex actions to being stopped by the police. Many ordinary folk on the street have been caught on camera standing open-mouthed with shock after traffic police have flatly refused to take money and instead, let them off after a fatherly scolding.

The phenomenon of good policing has been found in all other departments of law enforcement including RAB, regular police stations, DB, SB and CID. Apparently this has been largely possible because of a crash course called 'What am I really here for'. The course, which includes transcendental meditation and existential introspection heavily emphasizes on spiritual cleanliness and kindness training. Some of the secret footage has shown what seems to be glowing circles of light like haloes, above some police personnel but such surmises have not been scientifically proven and so not part of the official report.

Meanwhile the Forestry Department of Bangladesh has received a Global Conservation Effort Award for being the 'most green government body in the world' because it has planted the most trees over the last decade, protected existing ones from timber-craving woodcutters and even saved many endangered animals including the 'whistling tree monkey', from being poached. Officials of the department have set up a free animal hospital with their personal funds, for animals injured by poacher traps or other means. Some of these officials have been seen hugging trees in secret.

After all the hullabaloo over Nobel laureates and Peace Prizes an unknown philanthropic society in Iceland has started the Novel Piece Prize for people who come up with quirky, new ways to stun the world. The NPP society, among others, awards politicians who have made the nastiest comments in public against imagined foes. Again Bangladesh seems to be getting all the international attention as being the nation where former and present opposition leaders and their sycophants have come up with the most bizarre, novel arguments to malign their rivals, real or imagined.

The Novel Piece Prize is also being given for 'Most Delusional Leader of the Decade'. The candidate with the highest votes worldwide so far seems to be Libyan leader Col. Gaddafi who continues to insist that “The people of Lybia love me, it's just that they don't know it.”

Finally coming back to Bangladesh, guess who got the 'Most Resilient Nation on the Planet'? You got it, we did! Our amazing patience while being stuck in traffic jams and inhaling tons of carbon monoxide and dust and come out smiling, has become a reason for international awe and amazement. Innovative methods to combat traffic jam blues such as driving to work with friends and relatives you wanted to visit but couldn't because of the traffic and carrying out surveys while using public transport, have secured high points for our nation.

These are some of the ways we Bangladeshis have managed to secure our place in the School of International Approval. If you have any doubts about this please check today's date.