Write to Mita
Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
I am thirty years old man in love with a seventeen year old girl. We have been in a relationship since 2010, even though our religious beliefs are not the same. We have had a non-physical relationship so far. I just landed a good job in a bank. It may surprise you to know that I am already married and have a five year old child. In spite of all this, I am in love with my girlfriend and there is no stopping us now. I just don't know how I am going to break it to my wife and family and start my new life. Please help me.
Lovebird
Mr. Love bird,
I will refrain from giving you any advice as I am against child marriage. Your girlfriend as you call her is not old enough to take a serious decision such as marriage and starting a new life. At this age she is supposed to study, make friends and have fun, not get entangled with a married man! If there is one advice I want to give that is please leave her alone and find someone closer to your age.
Dear Mita,
I am unhappy with my parents. I have had a troubled past because I have been addicted to drugs. This happened because my parents were putting a lot of pressure on me to excel in my studies and extra-curricular activities, so I could get into a good college. However I have been clean for over two years now and am trying my best to make them believe in me again. I have enrolled into a college close to home and am doing well in my studies so far. But, my parents still have trouble trusting me. They are constantly suspicious of me and I have to take regular blood/urine tests to prove to them that I am not doing drugs. I feel like I am about to reach my breaking point again. What should I do?
Trying
Dear Trying,
Your point is well taken, when you are trying so hard then you should be treated with respect and trust. However, on the other hand, think of it from the perspective of your parents. They are doing it out of concern for you and nothing else. You must have dialogues with them on a regular basis. Talk to them about your frustration at their mistrust. Always be polite at the same time convey your points strongly. You might want to bring in a third person into the conversation such as an older sibling, uncle, aunt, someone they trust and who is also sympathetic towards your situation. Most important, be patient, don't lose your cool or your mind. I promise, things will turn a corner soon and you will really be able to put this behind you.
Dear Mita,
I was sexually abused when I was 10 years old by a distant relative. I am now 29 and am about to get married. I had not seen this relative since this incident happened because he moved abroad, but he and his family are back in Bangladesh and for some reason he is eager to come to my wedding. I had put whatever memories I had regarding the incident behind me and told no one about it. Now the memories keep haunting me and I can't sleep at the thought of facing him again. What should I do? Should I tell my parents? My fiancé? What if he leaves me? What if no one believes me? I am going crazy. Please help me.
Haunted
Dear Haunted,
The symptoms you describe is common to all those who have faced child abuse. I want to convey my utter condemnation for those who continue to do this and get away due to societal norms. This is usually done by relatives and remain undetected. My congratulations to you for having put this behind you and moved ahead. He has no business to attend your wedding. He should not be allowed to come no matter what. Please tell your parents and put your foot down that the marriage will not take place if he comes. Regarding your fiancé, I will be very surprised if he leaves you for this reason. If he does then he does not deserve you. Please continue to be brave, expose this person for what he has done, if not publicly then at least in the eyes of your loved ones.
