PLANET RS
We abuse language. We bring about new accents, new phrases like pinnik and ajaira, we adulterate it with inclusions from other languages. Bangladeshis say 'awesome' so much, this is starting to become a Bangla word. But isn't that how languages evolve? You decide. In the meantime, to celebrate 21st February our pages elaborate on our favorite idioms and reflect on how people from across the pond show their affection for their language.
~ Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor
The Puzzle of Appreciation
Or What You Shouldn't Do, Ever
J: O mere mortal, who I derisively term as a friend, listen to what I say and say something back that will calm this raging heart.
E: Backing out seems improbable, so with an emoticon that depicts exasperated curiosity, I now say: what? *emoticon of exasperated curiosity*
J: The girl who has enamoured me with her charm and beauty has just cast her heavenly look onto this earthbound entity, i.e. me.
E: *emoticon of great surprise* That girl, whose hair dances in the breeze and whose slightly crooked teeth bear sign of regular and proper flossing?
J: No, the short haired girl over there chatting with her friends who, by the way, are duckfaced and look prettier than they are only because of her presence amidst them. The long haired girl was yesterday. *emoticon of a tongue sticking out*
E: *sighs* I distinctly remember a similar incident happening yesterday. Was she not laughing at your general direction as well?
J: I shall maintain, as I have done yesterday, that she was not laughing - she was smiling: like Juliet did when she saw Romeo; like Laily did when Mojnu brought her flowers. But alas! Her undying love for me cannot hold me back. I have moved on to greater things.
E: *emoticon of frustration* Sure, human. What now? Did you detect the hints of magnetism that girl over there might have for you when she looked at you?
J: There are certain clues that make me think so. No, I believe so. She was playing with her hair. Recent studies suggest that action to be an attempt at attraction. Also, I can read eye-language and her eyes spoke nothing but love, el amour. Look at this snapshot I took.
E: Abandoning all pretence of a civilised conversation, I shall look at the photo for a few seconds and then implore you to explain yourself. This is a crime. Explain yourself, you great brute, stone-age ruffian, ill-mannered manure.
J: Don't fly off the theoretically moral horse, you. What, may I ask, is illegal about this?
E: Everything, you imbecile. You cannot take photos of girls you don't know. That is stalking, you rat-faced cheese-hunter. *emoticon of anger*
J: This photo proves that I can. What you might be implying, I am guessing, is that I should not take photos of girls I don't know. Allow me to correct you even further. I am not a stalker. I am an appreciator of beauty.
E: That is precisely what every stalker would say, you mongrel, beef-hating potato *emoticon of teeth grinding*.
J: Maybe, but there is a fine line between a stalker and an appreciator of beauty. You have to be an appreciator of beauty if you want to see it.
E: You have crossed that line already, you ugly snail on a hike, egg smasher, korolla-eater. If you want beauty, go see the photography exhibition. Learn the difference, you big-headed idiot.
J: I propose hypocrisy. Why is it that a Digital Single-Lens Reflex camera makes everything alright? Those haughty, DSLR wielding people with as much photography skills as a bamboo stick standing inclined can take photos of girls as many times as they want and when I do that, I am a stalker?
E: Because a DSLR costs 50,000, moron. How much does your mobile cost? And what is the artistic value of your endeavour, you rascal? Delete it, I say, delete the photos now. Or I will testify against you in court, you stinking mosquito larva.
J: Okay, okay, chillax. Look what you have done. This conversation sounded so civilised before.
E: Well, you introduced the subject of illegal photo shoots, you maggot. I had no choice.
J: Still, when rich people do it, it is called photography, and when I do it, it's stalking. *deletes photo*
E: And tell the kids reading this article never to follow your footsteps.
J: I wear shoes all the time. No footsteps.
By Jawad and Ero Senin
Take some time out to rant
Some people piled on the hate towards Bareesh for the love playlist:
ibnul_repentance27@ovi.com [via Email]
In the last edition of RS, a guy named Bareesh Chy wrote that Celine Dion is cliched crap. Is he nuts? Doesn’t he listen to Music? How does he say 'Shey je boshe ase' isn't a decent song? His writings and comments are totally unacceptable. He should start listin' to some REAL MUSIC, before he starts writing such crap articles about music. What a shame.
TheAlien4mEarth acquired stalkers and copycats:
Prince MoonWalker [via Email]
Cupid in the Class = Reality + Awesomeness! :D PS: Just wanted to say, "Hi" to 'TheAlien4mEarth'. I'm 'TheAlien4mMoon' :)
There was lots of love:
El Kun
Absolutely love how RS has been aiming at all the festivals around us lately! From Halloween to Eid to Christmas to Falgun! Keep up the good work. :D
- What can we say? We like a good party. – RS
Ahnaf Ahsan Suny
Awesomeness!
- Brevity! – RS
Simra Ahmed
Valentine’s Day should be called "Happy singles' awareness day".
Bareesh Hasan Chowdhury It is. Except no happy. Why would people be happy about that?
Nadia Hossain
This week’s issue was totally awesome! I must say the previous few issues were sort of boring, but this week's one managed to get a smile and soon a giggle. I won't be surprised if my sister persuades my mom to send me to the Pabna mental hospital :D
Humanoid Storm The whole nation is now biting its nails, unable to contain this much excitement. We are relying on your sister's persuasiveness now.
- We feel we should mention, the mental hospital has been shifted. Just thought it might be relevant. – RS
Jonayed Nasir Anik
Seeing the spring article on this spring issue, a springy idea springs to my mind. What if there was a spring that only springs in the spring? Would we call it springspring?
- You just wanted to get published here, didn’t you? - RS
And finally, a message that we couldn’t come up with a funny comeback to:
Sousan Suha Amin
Dear RS, 'Fu'! Its time you found (heart) too ;)
- Paper hearts leak. - RS
Conscience
This article was sent in for BetaWriters this week. But it was too small for our regular space. But we thought we'd use it anyway.
11:54:00 Post meridiem; Cefalù, Sicily
11:54:02 An assassin;
11:54:03 A sniper;
11:54:04 Lurking in the shadow, itching to go for a kill, the victim unknown by name or the reasons of termination.
11:55:00 Right eye on the scope; locking the target on the cross;
11:55:04 Hands poised; ready to pull the trigger.
11:55:05 An unexpected pause; abnormal yet intentional.
11:55:10 Flashback of his whole assassin life.
11:55:45 Failed to rationalise taking lives for the last ten years.
11:56:05 Conscience stricken;
11:56:30 Eye removed from the scope; ready to pack up.
11:57:00 Victim gone untouched. Mission failed for the first time, and perhaps the last.
11:57:30 Feeling happy yet being aware of the consequences. Planning for a confession to the father of the Cefalù Cathedral.
Aftermath
11:00:00 Ante meridiem, Cefalù Cathedral, Sicily.
11:00:05 A happy man outside the church feeling relieved after confession. His eyes dazzle.
11:00:06 Sudden gunfire from somewhere.
11:00:07 The man blood bathed; the southern archway crimson; his face smiling.
By Taufiq Islam Protick
