The Urban Dictionary

We have entered a time and age where being different is the only way of getting noticed. Creativity has replaced knowledge as the ultimate source of power, and people are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones and try something totally unique. It is fairly safe to say that, like everything else, our language has also experienced a serious make over. In the western world the urban dictionary has over 4.79 million definitions. We Bangalis also came up with a lot of words that deserve to go into the Bengali urban dictionary. Since we don't have one yet, the Rising Stars brings you the first ever urban dictionary for Bangla words.

Joss “Joss” is basically the Bangla word for cool/awesome. It's one of those words with different meanings to different people.

OFF Jah This is the Bangla word for an English term known as “quit it out”. The term “quit it out” has been taken from the English urban dictionary and is basically a cross between “cut it out” and “quit it”.

Pera To irritate. The direct translation of this word would be something along the lines of “annoy” or “disturb”.

Part This word also roughly translates to cool and is very similar to “Joss”. The only difference between the words is that, “Joss” is usually used to describe inanimate objects. However, “Part” is used to describe actual human beings. It also has a slightly negative connotation.

Mama The technical definition of this term would be “uncle”. To be more specific, “Maternal uncle”. But these days it seems you can use this term to call any middle aged man whose name you do not know. From waiters, to rickshaw pullers, to salesmen almost everyone can be labeled a “mama”.

Bell Means popularity. The more popular a person is the more “Bell” he/she is said to have. “Belless” is the antonym. We think it evolved from the word "bail", the two wooden objects on top of cricket stumps. Bailless can point to being bowled.

Shala Literally, brother-in-law. But apparently the word somehow managed to transform itself into an insult. The word is considered offensive and degrading to most people, except maybe your wife's brother.

Pineek This word is new on the block, but has managed to attract a huge fan base. People these days seem to use it to describe everything and some are literally addicted to the word. But after hours of research yours truly has managed to come up with a rough definition of the word. “Pineek” is actually a feeling, but a very complex feeling. It is a feeling of triumph, happiness and ecstasy, all wrapped up into one little box. Also, it can be described as a feeling of want. Confused? So are we. So just come up with your own definition and use the word any way you want.

Now most of the words on the list are usually looked down upon and are not really considered as actual words. But isn't this how a language is supposed to grow? This influx of new words may have a positive impact in our culture and can even reach out to a newer generation of Bangalis who are losing interest in Bangla. If we stick to these words and continue to come up with new ones, maybe someday we can have a web-based urban dictionary of our own. Wouldn't that be Joss?

By Alvi Ahmed

RS Oscars

127 True Gritty Networking Speech Fights

There was once a man called Marky Mark, who lived in this small town called Lowell. Marky Mark was slightly schizophrenic, so much so that he'd forgotten that he was actually a Wahlberg and a failed actor/rapper. He now insisted that people call him Micky, after the mouse.

Now Micky Marky Wahly (his superhero name with his superhero powers being cleaning streets and destroying perfectly good movies that have Mini Coopers in them), decided that yet another career change was needed to spice up his life. Micky decided that since he was all buff and manly, he'd go into boxing.

Unfortunately, Micky was mediocre-at-best at whatever he did. He went to the local run down gym and tried to hit a few sand bags and missed. What freaked him out was that every time he took a swing he somehow ended up standing on his toes pirouetting. Even though he was schizophrenic, Micky Mark was fairly sure that was the wrong thing to do. So he went to his brother for help.

Micky Mark's brother, Dicky Chris Baley, was a cool person. He knew how to box but was so cool that he was forced to squander his talents in an effort to keep his cool-o-meter up. Dicky was cool conscious enough to become a speech therapist and a drug addict all at the same time. How he managed to do that Wahly never figured out.

After a veritable day of training that took hours, Micky Mark decided he was ready to take on the big guys. Except Dicky, being the cool person he is, decided to pair his brother up with this ballerina, Kunis. She was 10 pounds heavier than him and Micky was worried. Things were not going his way.

Micky tried his hardest but the ballerina always managed to get one over him whenever he went near her and at one point, she pulled of a breathtaking three point turn while standing on her left big toe and cracked Micky a good one. He went down for the count. Poor Micky.

Afterwards, Micky fell into a deep dark depression. He locked himself up in his room and cried himself to sleep every night. He even tried to mutilate his nails. And at some point, in the deepest darkest throes of his sadness, Micky imagined that his childhood toys were talking to him. And that this crippled pink teddy bear was conspiring against him.

He watched in horrified fascination as Lotso Chaney killed his favouritest toy Woody and ran away with two plastic gold pieces. Micky Mark couldn't stand the atrocity, the wrong committed upon him. So he decided to wake up and go to his Mommy for help.

Now, Micky Marky Wahly's mother was a different sort of Mom. She chain smoked and consistently demanded too much of her wards (geddit?). When Micky came to her all teary-eyed she decided that it was time that Micky learned to dance. And programming, 'cause you know, the future is in computers.

Because she was such a harsh mother, she sent Micky out into the middle of nowhere to train, where there were huge canyons and big rocks and pretty, open-minded girls. There Micky met the love of his life; a girl, Mattie Charlene Adams who had a pet black swan and wanted to kill Lotso Chaney and knew how to long jump. Micky was instantly entranced by her and decided to show off.

In a fit of lovey dovey madness he jumped into a crevice and got his right foot stuck between a rock and a hard place. The girl promptly decided he was a loser and left to look for Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon, people who weren't pretty boys with Spiderman pedigree. Micky was left alone there in the dark with nothing but his laptop for 127 hours. She left her pet black swan with him though; whose name was Eduardo Portman.

Thankfully, because Micky was so versatile and vengeful, he decided to use his free time to come up with a social network, so that he could diss the girl who so woefully dumped him. With Eduardo Portman's borrowed money he started off his website and managed to send his mother a FB message asking her to help him out.

Meanwhile in Lowell, Micky's mother was having trouble controlling Dicky. Dicky had recently met this alluring divorced lady from the colonies and was suddenly all interested in abdication and going to jail and getting married and all. And in an effort to remain in the town's good graces she arranged for a boxing match world championship and speech to be given by Micky.

So she got Micky out of the proverbial hole in the ground (by cutting off his right foot) and threw him headfirst into the boxing match. She also brought the black swan with her. It was such a cutie you know.

Micky found to his horror that he was fighting Lotso Chaney, who had used the plastic gold pieces for a Harvard education and a boating Olympics stint to become a world class British boxer. And the girl, Mattie Charlene was there watching Micky. He finally had another chance to impress her! And commenting as a cameo commentator was Justin Timberlake! How cool is that?

Micky danced and fought like a pro-adventurist and decided that he wanted the name Ralston as his last name. He won the fight and became world champion and a billionaire at the tender age of 25! But now there was the speech and Micky… Micky stuttered.

Thankfully, cool brother Dicky came in to rescue the day and managed to coach Micky into not stuttering. Unfortunately Micky being Micky admitted to Eduardo Portman about how he sold out the company they'd built to Justin Timberlake in the middle of the speech. Seeing this Mattie Charlene became incensed with him and went back to looking for Bridges and Damon.

Eduardo Portman though, sued him for a billion dollars and the Best Actress Award.

The End

By Tareq Adnan
(da.phat.one@gmail.com)
NB: This is the literary equivalent of an Escher painting. Be awed.