Dipplococcus Numonae

Of all the uncomfortable experiences one can have in the generally uncomfortable life in high school, being the child of a teacher at the same school has to be all the way up on top. For a select group consisting of even fewer people, God chose another bonus level of awkwardness: being a Biology teacher's child.

If you were lucky enough to escape this inherent torture, then thank your lucky stars and breathe easy. For those who can relate even remotely, note that even though others may feel sorry for you or even pity you, all I can say is, I feel your pain.

As a rule, most people are freaked out by biology. Most normal people will not want to know what the inside of their intestines look like after having a burrito or after having a daily “cleaning”. If any of you recall elementary biology, the inside of your intestines is lined by millions of thin fingerlike strands that look plain creepy in the pictures. If you have any doubts as to how disgusting these things look, Google Image “villi”. It's amazing how something in the human body can look so alien or, for that matter, like cat poop. Now imagine your mum in front of a class full of judging teenagers, drawing these creepy things on the board, and clapping her hands together, going, “Aren't they wonderful?!?”

Moving on to more touchy subjects, how about plant, fish and hydra genitalia? Ever wondered how weird it'd feel to have your mother talk about how a hydra reproduces by itself using “special” reproductive organs? Well, let your imagination run wild, because you won't even get close to the real feeling. At least plants are a bit more decent, right? Wrong. One word: seeds. If I say anymore, I will receive death threats for saying such indecent things. Use your imagination and make the link.

Nothing can be worse than the most sensitive issue of them all: human reproduction. To say that this particular topic is enough to make you want to choke yourself to death would be an understatement. It is ironic that a discussion on life and the birthing process can make you want to end yours.

Accompanied with all the moronic questions your friends will almost surely ask during class and the fact that your mother is changing her version of how you came into the world (at least the one she told you when you were a kid pondering such deep questions), that particular biology class can ruin your life. Constant snickering will follow whenever you walk down the hall after the class, and your male “friends” will make snide remarks, quoting the scientific names for human reproductive organs instead of the usual crude scripture, all the while basking in your misery.

You will assume nothing can get worse than this, but then you'd be wrong. Since your mother has set an exam on your most hated topic, she will constantly bug you about whether you've understood the topic fully or not, turning a blind eye to your umm… shattered childhood innocence.

So there you have it: the painful experiences one must go through if one's mother teaches high school biology. If you belong to this group of forsaken individuals, log onto Facebook and create a group so that you can share your sad, sad stories.

By Mugdhofied-By-Bio

Weird, Weird, Weird and Two Asians

There is definitely something strange going on in this world. So, we thought this column was over and done with, right? Guess again. A quick scour around the web reveals just how weird and dumb the world around us is getting. A swift glance then at what's happening around the globe… and you thought Harry Potter was strange.

Time is Money: So get this. A woman in Xian, China recently sued a movie house and the film distributor. Apparently upon entering the movies at the printed movie time, the woman found herself having to sit through 20 minutes of advertisement when it said the movie was supposed to begin. Yes, the movie began 20 minutes later and we know how easy it is to enrage women, right? So she went up and sued the whole deal for around $5.20 and 15 cents for the emotional distress she suffered. So that's around $5 for wasting her time and 15 cents for what we believe to be some real crap advertisement. Any surprise that a woman is top of the weird list then?

Time Really Is Money: Well stop. Women aren't the weirdest of all things in the world. Men can be pretty strange too. There's a video of a man driving on the free way, which has recently been making waves. What is so weird about this man you wonder? Well for starters, he is reading a book while driving 60 miles per hour. Secondly, he is also reading from the Kindle in between. And in between, he answers his phone. Those surely seem to be ingredients of a major pile up. And what of the moron videoing the guy from another car? Apparently, he was driving too, laughing at the recklessness and foolishness of the multitasker. Is it just me or is the irony here really, really disturbing?

And Speaking of Technology: A man is the first person to finally wreck something while using the X-box's brand new motion controlled gaming device. Yup, it has finally happened. While playing Kinect Sports Volleyball and silently gesticulating, Phil Villareal (no seriously, its Villareal) became too excited and threw the controller right at his TV. It was Wii-ja-vu all over again. Not only did Stupid Phil break his TV set for good but he also lost the volleyball match by forfeit. That's something for a catchy Facebook status, if I ever saw one.

And Speaking of Facebook: A California fugitive, who had absconded bail for 12 years was dumb enough to mention his location in one of his Facebook statuses. Needlessly to say, immediately his picture reached all the police stations in the location he mentioned and thus he was tracked down. After complaining about the really cold weather on his status, someone asked him where he was and he promptly posted his location. It was a matter of days before he was finally captured. Upon being captured and warned to stay off Facebook, the fugitive, Robert Crose, just hung his head and laughed. Forget Big Brother, we already have Facebook. Thanks for nothing, Mark.

And finally to top it all off, here's something really random that happened. An Asian dude dressed up as an elderly white Caucasian male. Though his youngish hands almost gave him away, he managed to actually get caught by going to the toilet and coming out while forgetting to put his mask on. After landing in Vancouver, he immediately demanded refugee status. A Frequent Flier card and exchanging the boarding pass with a 55-year old really worked, but this is no way to gain PR status. The things we Asians do, right? (See picture for the lulz)

Well that's a darn healthy dose for all that's weird this week. For more laughs, glue your eyes to the upcoming Elections in the US of A and laugh at all the petty and strange infomercials dissing opposition candidates. And you thought the hip-hop beefs were hard.

Reference: www.newsoftheweird.com, www.msnbc.com

By Osama Rahman

Scholastica Award Ceremony

Scholastica held Achievement Award Ceremony on 31st October 2010 at STM Hall. Awards were handed over by Senior Member of Syndicate, CIE, Ian Chambers - Regional Manager of CIE for South Asia, Murray Keeler, Country Examinations Manager, Bangladesh, Yasmeen Murshed, Founder, Scholastica and Ms. Wasima Parveen, Director & COO

185 students received awards for outstanding performance in their exams, among whom are Akid Ornob, Takreem Riwan Siddiqui, Farhan Sharif Ala, Prioty Ferheen Sarwar, Atif Saffat Anwar, Mahbob Sawkat Biki and Maisha Anika Urbi - some of these students obtained top marks in some of their subjects not only in Bangladesh but also placed among the best across Cambridge, too.

Yasmeen Murshed congratulated the award winners for their excellent performance, faculty members of Scholastica for their effort and dedication and to CIE for providing the school with all the necessary support and training.

Kidstars

One Night in Dhanmondi Lake

One day, my friends, family and I all went out to Dhanmondi Lake in the evening. My friends and I went a little further away from our parents because we wanted to have an adventure and find a ghost. A day before, a lady was killed by a man there. So, we thought that we could find something mysterious there.

When we started searching, suddenly we heard the cry of a lady! We were so scared but we still went on.

While we were walking, we saw something passing through and it seemed like it was wearing white clothes. And again we heard the same cry that we heard at first. And it was saying, “Save me, save me.” This time we were more scared. And we heard the sound of a harmonium. It seemed like someone was singing. We decided to find out who was doing this. We went home and prepared ourselves.

The next evening again we went there. But this time, we didn't go with bare hands. We took a tape-recorder and a camera with us. We recorded everything and took pictures of the spooky scenes. And now it was our duty to find out who was doing all this.

We kept on going there everyday but we didn't find anything. Suddenly one day we saw a man going somewhere and he seemed strange to us. So, we followed him. He went inside a tent. Now it was easy to see the leader. The leader was an old woman. She was wearing a saree. She was saying, “Everyone believes that ghosts are over here that means our first mission is complete. And now it's the time for the next mission.” She called a strong stout man and said, “Here is his picture. Find him and kill him.”

The next day, we reported these things to our parents so that they could help us. They said, “We will call the police and you have to show them where the tent is.”

My father called the police and told them everything about the lady. He told them of the place in Dhanmondi Lake where we saw all this and the police caught the lady.

We all were rewarded for this from the police department. And our schools appreciated it as well.

By Nawshin Tabassum Binte Alim (Roop)