The week in re(ar)view

Everybody loves a lolcat except those who get it everyday in their inbox. These cute cat images with poor grammar cause pain and joy in equal quantities. Considering how CNG is causing us pain and joy, we start off this week with our very own lolcat.

We Has Gas!
Experts say country has plenty of gas but not enough pipelines for delivery. And that's not considering the significant amount of hot gas let out by politicians and experts. $900m investment is needed to set up pipelines and double gas production. We currently consume 2,000 million cubic feet per day (mmcfd), with a short supply of 400 mmcfd.

On a related note, the country achieved a record of electricity generation last Friday due to shutdown of CNG stations. Causing inconvenience for many, it has diverted enough gas to increase 200 MW power during the evening. According to reports, level of load shedding across the country has now almost halved. Also a new British company launched operation. Correlated perhaps?

The British Aggreko that signed two contracts in June to generate 200 MW power by August 20 achieved its goal on August 18. The company launched 100 MW power generation from June and supplied that to rural consumers in Khulna and Ashuganj.

Right to bear arms and cut them off too
A faction of Rajshahi University unit Chhatra League has bought sharp weapons with a portion of the money allegedly extorted from resident students of a dormitory. Then they started fighting among themselves about the rest of the money. Around Tk 2,00,000 was spent in buying chopping materials. Students had to pay around Tk 100 to 1,200 each, depending on the individual's family income. People don't just pay through their nose for education these days. Some pay through their veins.

Toxic food
The Soil Resources Development Institute (SRDI) has found high concentration of toxic chemicals like cadmium, lead and chromium in fertilisers, which may affect agriculture ecosystems and thereby human health through food chains.

Zinc fertilisers have been used in Bangladesh for the last three decades to save soil from sterility, scientists say. These chemicals accumulate in soil and water, contaminate the ecosystem and enter plants and aquatic resources. Regular use for two to three years is enough for such contamination, which can also make land sterile, he added. What have you eaten today?

Toxic reruns
Toxicity continues with yet another fire at a chemicals storehouse in a residential area of Lalbagh in Old Dhaka on August 22. 3 were injured this time. This happened only four days after the government extended deadline for shifting chemicals warehouses from the city's old part to a safer location. June 3, 124 people died at Nimtoli in a similar fire. Goes to show human life is still slightly less valuable than everything else.

And a toxic ship
The Supreme Court on August 22 decided for a change that value of life [of ship-breaking labourers] could not be justified by money. It directed Bangladesh Ship Breakers' Association (BSBA) to get all scrap ships decontaminated at source and outside Bangladesh territory. The BSBA sought to import toxic ships until the government formulates guidelines for the ship-breaking yards. They say their business is being hampered.

Jailbirds out
On August 19 about 1000 jail inmates were released back into the wild (which incidentally is where we live). They were released because of old age, disability, illness, and good behaviour. This process of releasing long-term prisoners will continue. Should we worry? Former inspector general of police ASM Shahjahan said good behaviour of the released convicts might not last, as prisons do not have the ability to rehabilitate wrongdoers.

By Mood Dude & Someone

Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove
The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…to get his diaper changed.

Yo Doc!

So, I hear that you're the guy who's making my dad cry, eh? Oh yes, I'm Cupid's daughter here!! Though, it's kinda good, though, I'm gonna get my inheritance sooner than I expected. Anyways, lemme just tell you, you're no match for ME!!! Sarcasm doesn't work on me, so don't bother. I already have my PhD in Love, and I got it at a much earlier age than you! But, since you're older, I'm gonna give you a test, though I really don't think you'll pass. So, as future love goddess, here's my challenge to you: It's expected that every single hormonal teenager will fall in love at one point or another. It is very unfortunate to say that my dad cursed me with a heart and I've recently had it broken by the coolest (and cutest) guy in school. I'm a stranger to having my heart "broken" by such an insignificant scum not fit to lick my boots, so, though he's somewhat of a friend, it burns watching him trying to woo the goody two-shoes drama queen. So, what do I do? Vanquish him to the fiery depths of a woman's wrath? Or forgive him, do my bit as a love goddess, and help him? Btw, he already might know that I crushed on him at some point or another...I'm not sure.

So, accept my challenge... do your bit to keep me happy, and maybe my dad won't unleash his fury upon you...that is…if I declare your advice "worthy". I'm waiting impatiently, Cupid's daughter.

P.S: Give me the love queries you receive. I'll be able to help those guys more than you. I'm cupid's daughter, after all! P.P.S: I'm immune to sarcasm! Buwahahahah!

Dear Miss Daughter-of-Fail-Cupid,

At first, let me apologise for making your dad cry. When one becomes as great as Myself, it's hard to notice the minions who are so much lesser, getting trampled underneath the massive boots of My success. And as for his wrath: I can deal with a lone tiny ant bite.

Let me tell you what you need to do, because it is clear that your father has failed in his solving his daughter's problem as well. If he can't keep love intact in his family, how can he in others'? As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. And you must be the happiest person in the world.

It's always the coolest and cutest guy in school, isn't it? Even Cupid's daughter proves to be vain, erred by her father's incompetence. But if he has snuffed you, it is ironic to think of Cupid's daughter as ugly. But happens to the worst of us, I guess, and being the best, I obviously cannot speak from experience. (By the way, that dad of yours, he's one grotesque specimen. Don't you need a license to be THAT ugly?)

To the solution: since I'm guessing he knows of you crushing on him, and he's a friend, try to come into as much contact with him as possible without showing that you have or once had feelings for him. And since he's already becoming infatuated with this girl (which relationship is still being unreciprocated), and he's still single, he'll be looking for consolation. Whatever happens, don't give it to him. Just say that you're sorry and change the subject; don't give him any inclination that you even care about his efforts put into pursuing this girl.

The second step: get a decoy. I've said this again and again, jealousy always works. Get some random guy to pose as a really, really good friend of yours, someone you would be seen giggling with or making goo-goo eyes at, but don't make him out to be your boyfriend, otherwise, the cutest-coolest guy won't be as much inclined to come for you. When you've kept at it for a while, and the jealousy has burned into his heart for long enough, he'll come galloping and begging for you to take him.

Works every time. Tell your dad I kicked your problem's butt. Should remind him of what a failure he is.

P.S.: I will forward the mails to you. Answering the questions of the pathetic ones (such as yourself) is getting tedious. I'm guessing you'll be able to identify more with them.

P.P.S.: I don't need sarcasm to rip on you.

Problems, inquiries, endorsements and KMAs: dr.lovelove@live.com

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

By Dr. Lovelove

Who's a cute piggy?

Whe doesn't want to wake up in the morning to the voice of a loved one? Who doesn't need someone to talk to in this sad and lonely world? Who doesn't want to save money? Some crazy Japanese dude thought of these questions and actually sat down to give us the answer to them all plus a way to save the floundering world economy. We submit for your pleasure: The Ikeman Piggy Bank.

The Ikeman Piggy Bank is pink and heart shaped. What's so special about a heart shaped piggy bank, you ask? Ah, but those are the symbols of the two most important things in life: love and money. You choose one out of the five male avatars installed in the bank and you start punching in the coins. Once you save 500 yen [roughly 1 USD], the piggy bank talks to you. It actually does! It starts off with basic interactions and to get to the next level of conversation, you have to save up another dollar. What does it say? Oh, inconsequential stuff like “Hi”, “Hello”, “You're cute!” and “Can I kiss you?” Yes, let's digest that for a while and feel a lot better about our selves.

After that, it gets even better. If you set the alarm clock on this thing, your chosen character, whom you are paying to talk to you, will wake you up from sleep with soothing words. If you save up to 50 thousand yen, you reach the end of your fairytale love story with your pink piggy bank.

The Ikeman [meaning “handsome guy” in Japanese] Piggy Bank sells for only $75. What sane person wouldn't want a piece of that bargain?!

By Dr Who