Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove
The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…to get his diaper changed.

Dear Dr. Lovelove,
First let's start with my genuine feelings about how awesome your column really is! It made me an RS regular again after a long while… thanks a million for that. I really appreciate your way of describing the reality in your one of a kind sarcastic at the same time blunt style.
Now, let me tell you about my problem… I'm in my early 20's… a decent and average person. I have no complaints about that. The fact that made me seek your help is that I recently discovered that I am an enormous looser magnet... Is there any possible way to “undo” this?! … Please help!!
Sincerely
Looser Magnet.

Dear Loser,
Was there a 'magnet' after that? Didn't notice. You know how they say opposites attract? That's crap. If that were the case, you'd have Matthew McConnaughey as your boyfriend (ignoring the fact that he's one of the worst actors Hollywood has ever produced). But that is not how the world is. Attractive people go to attractive people, fat people go to fat people, ugly to ugly, stupid to stupid. Same goes for losers: if you're a loser, you're going to get losers. Now, don't beat yourself up, even though you're quite a pathetic loser, you have a chance, because admitting that you suck loserishness right out to yourself is half of the solution. Now you have to better yourself and become less of a loser. I know that sounds impossible given your current circumstances of being a humongous loser, but no worries, no one expects you to succeed. No disappointments.
P.S.: Hint: First step might be learning the difference between 'loser' and 'looser.'

Dear doc,
I have 4 BFFs whom I love a lot. But one of them stole another BFF (for e.g.:N)'s bf. Now, she's dating another BFF(M)'s crush. So now, me and my other two BFFs are worried. What if she steals any one of our bfs/crushes in the future? I believe only your humorous remarks can make me see the brighter side of things now.
Desperate Best Friend

Dear Desperate Best Friend,
Now, it is true that I'm an extremely humorous Man capable of making anyone laugh, endow happiness in the most pessimistic of situations (Who do you think lifted Anelka and Henry's battered spirits?). But I don't believe this situation warrants such a response. You should be giddy! It's a free-for-all! Let's not kid ourselves, your friends' boyfriends are always better than your own. And you're a girl, and girls always want things they know they can't have. So, go get 'em, Tigress. Now, with the amount of cleaning up I have had to do with your letter doesn't give me much hope but it wasn't the worst I've seen. And seeing as they're friends with you, I doubt your friends are any less of losers than Ms. Looser Magnet above you. You will have little or no competition.
Happy Hunting!

Hey Doc.ThE gReAt,
I wudn't have actually written to you if it wasnt for the great reply to the desperate 'murkho-who- cant....'.I have had that similar problem,bt it was opposite....and yes i dnt want u honoring [yeah rite] me with ur knowledge...i have the solution....

Neways,i think u shud let ME work with the probs u gt[since the mails are always too many and too stupid to handle]...and yes,Sum gals can be stupid{xcept 4 ur Lady}.bt rmbr....i am not that kind.. i take revenge..kinda lyk u... (H)
P.S-insultin wont work foh me......
*makes noose*
*hangs Himself*

Problems, inquiries, endorsements and KMAs: dr.lovelove@live.com

By Dr. Lovelove

'W-T-H' Toys

CHILD specialists and Psychologists say that toys are one of the most essential things in a growing kid's life, that they provide room for proper educational entertainment and serve as building blocks for a healthier imagination and so on.

These specialists probably have no clue to exactly what kind of twisted toys kids these days are busy playing with, though. Because once they find out, they might want to reconsider the 'education' and 'imagination' part a bit. Seriously.

We Will We Will Shock You
So you go to this goody-goody bespectacled kid's birthday party and he, in his cute 'gentlekid'ly way, offers you these yummy-looking chocolates in a jar. 'Aww, how nice,' you think and reach your hand for the jar-lid…

And make the biggest mistake of your life.
Three things happen simultaneously once your fingers touch the metallic clasps of the innocent-looking baby pink jar-lid: the whole of your hand starts vibrating violently from electric shock, your eyes go wide and bulging like a kola-toad's and right before your now-bulging eyes takes place the miraculous transformation of the angelic kid into a bratty little devil minus the pointy tail. The tragedy ends, of course, with you shaking and shivering on the floor and him laughing his head off in all maniacal glory. Way to go toys, finally there's some that can even bring out hidden personalities in people.

Note to readers: This prank happens to be the latest market hype and legend has it that even if one manages to get past the 'shocking' lid, the candy itself is a nasty demon and sticks itself around one's teeth/tongue so much that it needs special chemical solutions to come off. Therefore, it's official: Do NOT take candy from children.

Who Wants To Be A Sadist?
It's a rather ordinary-looking string-pouch with a wee-little kitten's tail sticking out of the closed folds. But once you go closer and clap your hands, all hell breaks loose: the bag begins to vibrate as if alive, the 'invisible' kitten starts making retching, yelping noises and, as has happened in some practical cases, the people around start yelling and accusing you of animal-abuse. You can't really blame them; the whole idea of the toy is disturbing. Imagine someone stuffing a cute little kitten in a small bag, and then beating it to a pulp while the cat mewls its lungs out in terror. Now imagine a little kid standing next to the scene and laughing his head off in glee.

Call me anything you want, but there is definitely something wrong with this scenario. There just HAS to be.

What Belongs Inside The Toilet, Should STAY There
This writer does not know about the kids these days, but yours truly never really was much of a fan of the notorious 'potty-humour'. Which is why I don't get what's so funny about decorating one's room with life-size, super-real looking pieces of cr*p (literally) and spooking (and disgusting) the guests out with them. This writer's understanding can manage up to fart bombs and toilet seats/dolls sprinkling water (it IS water, right?) in your face, but come on, THAT? I mean, WHY??

Blood, Bones And Rolling Skulls
Yes, we are aware that children love those goofy-looking trumpet-monkeys that strut around, play music and clap their hands. But when the silly monkey is replaced by a bony skeleton in a bloody robe with chunks of missing hair on its skull, shuffling its feet in a zombie-walk with spooky background music- why, oh why are the children still loving it and clapping their hands in amusement?! Same goes for the bloody clown that springs out of the nasty box, the blazing-eyed old witch on the rocking chair and the Grim Reaper laughing his spooky laugh as the Scythe gleams menacingly… and then his head falls off, rolls around and rattles to a sickening stop at your feet.
That is SO not funny.

Icky And Rubbery
Almost all toyshops these days sport assorted collections of rubber roaches, geckos, scorpions, snakes and rats. Yes, they look real, I mean REAL real. Shops also have rubber skulls that, when squeezed, allow the gooey brains to peek out of the eye-sockets. And the list goes on with Samurai Swords that cut nothing, fake scars that make you look plain ugly and stupid-looking monkeys/tigers that just won't stop saying “I Love You, Ting-Ting-Ting”. When asked why they keep ridiculous stuff like these for sale, the shopkeepers shrugged, “Hey, kids love it, we bring it.” Fair enough.

And as to why kids do love 'it', well, here's where we finally put those child-psychologists to work and this writer takes a well-deserved break. My hands are still a bit tingly from that nasty little candy-shock.

By Raisa M Rafique
(Source: New Market Toy Shops)

RS Mailbox

Your love-hate connection with the Rising Stars

Word on our last issue:
Shariq bin Nasim: Last week's one was a good read. The cover page article was good too. Loved the battle between cricket and soccer, the fantasy team was hilarious; I was damn sure it was sarcasm or something.

Zahra Mayeesha: A pretty good issue overall. Loved both the Rahmans' articles. The thing about tiktikis was gross but enlightening (not only because I love Biology) and Tareq's article was bordering on har-har-that's-funny. I think the teacher will want to kill this guy soon.

Redwan Hossain: The cover by Adnan was a good read. Now people will know what to expect to some extent of what goes around in universities. The doc was okay. His second reply was something to laugh at (not to mention the letter, which was as funny as the reply). Shaer did a "lame" job (which is a compliment to him) in "On Crutches". The real treat, I believe, was the movie review with so many classics making the list. I saw a few of them myself. Finally, a BIG thanks to Professor Spork for bringing out the top 10 music list we readers were anxiously awaiting for quite some time.

Sadia Nelofar: Musarrat's piece was awesome as usual. Mwahs and hugs! Lovelove's answer to the second letter couldn't have been more hilariously pochafying.

Samiha Rahman: Musarrat was a piss-off. Someone needs to remind her that football is actually a bit more about the game itself rather than the men who play (but Casillas and Ronaldo should've been mentioned). And yes, we got it the first time - you love boys.
The movie reviews were REALLY good though, so was the Billboard top-10, and the lame-quiz thing was funny. Tareq and Osama were good as always. But is Rasul ever coming back?
Send your questions, comments, feedback to ds.risingstars@gmail.com and check out our Facebook page for all the hilarity

Kidstars

Champion, BRAZIL


Brazil, Brazil, Brazil,
The hot favourite Brazil !
Used to make me proud
By playing always so well.
Once again you proved -
There's no one to beat you
And you still are the best.
The rest of you all;
Better take it as a vow -
"Come and be our part,
If not, then go to hell".


By Khushboo Fahmi