Lovin' With Dr. Lovelove

The Love Doctor that makes Cupid cry for his mommy…to get his diaper changed.

Hey Doctor!
You just got yourself another problem to solve. I'm just a 13-year-old girl who believes that there's no such thing called love before you're 18 and wants to prove this fact. Relationships really don't work at this early age. And I don't want to become one of those 13-year-old girls crying for their relationships on Facebook. You SERIOUSLY need to read their statuses. They are something!

Okay, here's the problem, I just have too many people crushing on me! ( I mean I like the attention and all) but the worst time comes when they ask me out! I mean how many guys will I say 'NO' to? And there's this thing called emotions in every human-being, the boy starts crying! It hurts me! I think about it the whole day! Can't keep my mind on studies and yes, life sucks! I want good grades NOT a good boyfriend at this time!

Here's the twist, lately I have realised that I'm saying 'NO' to these boys' because I sort of like this another guy. Should I go out with a guy (out of many) who still waits for me even though I rejected his proposal 5 times or stay liking that boy I like and get good grades at the same time?
Anti-love

Anti-love,
You just had to be thirteen, didn't you? The hatehaters are going to have My butt for this. They’ve already given me a lot of grief about helping thirteen-year olds. But they only feed the fire for the growth of the enigma that is Me. And because I'm such a benevolent being, I shall help you regardless of the scorn I will be put under.

Now, if you think you're any different from the other thirteen-year-old girls who you so cruelly judge (which you have no right to do, only I have that), you're dead wrong. You're actually worse. Instead of a status, you sent it in to be posted for the whole world to see. And even though random people can't tell it's you, I know you're telling your friends about how you got published in RS and whatnot and how to prove it you're also telling them about the countless number of boys who've been harassing you. Cut the crap. Taking your exaggeration, age, gender and general stupidity into consideration, I have come to the number two. And I'm probably pushing it.

Anyways, the Doctor has the perfect solution for you, a way to eliminate both your problems. Date ALL the guys. That way, you have your bit of fun and you don't have to say 'No.' And when you're done, you can break up with the loser(s) and go to the guy you actually like. Now, if you think it's too hard to break-up, just be a REALLY bad girlfriend. Looks can only get you so far. (Unless you're Me.)

Dear Doctor Lovelove,
I am an avid reader of a humour column that comes out in a weekly publication. The writer of this column happens to have a high educational degree on love and claims to make Roman gods 'cry for their Mommy'. He has a scintillating sense of humour, sarcastic wit, high self-esteem and unbound knowledge of human psychology. His intelligence, wit and wonderful word-play has me mesmerised. Initially, I brushed it off as admiration, but the more I read his profound life-altering advice and realised his beneficent side, the more in love with him I fall.
This columnist can offer solutions to the most irrational problems, and never backs out from giving very frank assessments of character. I have realised that, like Bella with Edward, I am 'unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him'. Please help in figuring out a sensible way to deal with this problem.
DamselInDistress

Dear DamselInDistress,
Now that is one problem even the Doctor can't fix. I feel you. Just like I feel all the other countless women with that problem.

Problems, inquiries, endorsements and KMA's: dr.lovelove@live.com
By Dr. Lovelove

The week in re(ar)view

Fake bulbs
The latest trend in the fraud game involves groups trying to take your money in the name of Dhaka Electric Supply Company Ltd (DESCO), groups other than DESCO itself. DESCO does it the legal way by taking our money and giving us electricity in small doses. But these new groups cheat people in the name of distributing energy saving bulbs.

A Monwar Hossain was caught at East Kazipara of Mirpur trying to receive money from Desco consumers using fake forms. Desco said that the government's planned distribution of energy saving bulbs is yet to start and when it does, the bulbs will be free.

Wolf eyeing the chicken
The cabinet approved a set of proposals on April 26 that obligates Anti Corruption Commission (ACC) to take permission from the government prior to initiating a case against any government official. Also, it makes the anti-graft body accountable to the president. Translation: As long as offenders are from government side, 'corruption' and 'legal' can be interchangeable words just like 'fried chicken' and 'yummm!'

Also, the government, not ACC, will appoint the secretary to the constitutional body. That's like placing a hungry wolf in front of the chicken coop armed with ketchup and a book titled '101 ways to make delicious chicken in 5 minutes'. (Editor's note: Wolves don't know how to tell time)

It's raining Biman
Biman, our state owned airlines, has had a rich history of running without fuel, passengers, crew and sometimes even without engines. Turns out, it can also fly without fully operating wings. An aircraft of Bangladesh Biman from Muscat, Oman landed safely with its damaged wing at Chittagong last Saturday.

A flap on the right wing broke off and fell into a paddy field possibly scaring nearby cows into delivering sour milk. It either shows just how good our pilots are or air pollution has grown so concentrated that the thick air won't let the airplanes just fall. It's like being suspended in oil. Yep, we can do science.

A new choice
Close encounter of the 'wormy' kind is the bane of every kid at some point of their lives. Yet, 30 kids at Kotchandpur upazila found out the cure was more painful than the disease. These children ended up sick after swallowing tablets given by health complex officials during the antihelminthic (anti parasitic worm) week. People are now faced with the choice of whether to suffer from disease or from the medication itself?

Beat down treatment
But the tale of woeful medical treatment doesn't end there. Some staff members of Bangladesh Medical College Hospital last week beat up three family members of a patient for filing a complaint with police alleging wrong treatment to their patient. The patient has been having severe pain in the abdomen since an operation on April 25. In true Bangla cinema fashion, the victims were tied up to pillars in the hospital's parking space and beaten. The medical staff would have gotten away with it had they called it an exorcism.

Solar harvest
The first-ever solar panel assembling plant in the country was launched in Savar last week promising low prices. Considering how we've cut down trees so much that there is no shade anywhere, this is a promising development. Electro Solar Power Ltd's panels are expected to hit the market in a month. Apparently, it is capable of assembling panels with a production capacity of 10-megawatt electricity a year.

By Mood Dude and Someone

RS Mailbox

Your one-stop junction for love, hate, suggestions and counters for the Rising Stars.

Word on our last issue:
Zakiya Hossain: Loved Dr Lovelove's writing, second best. (1st was the very first one). Kokoro Chan's anime review was not bad. Fashion Files was great, so true. The Great Bidesh was just awesome. I laughed so hard that my grandma thought I had gone crazy. As always Ninja Murgi & Captain Kauwa caught our attention. S. N Rasul's writing was funny. Nano tales was the best! All in all, I loved it.

Usama Masud: Not for Cricket Lovers (NCL) by Ahnaf Zarif Rahman was good and funny. Totally agree with what he said!

Shamsil Kamal: When is RS going to show some sense and stop this stupid Dr. Lovelove thingy? I mean, at least the advice was just tolerable, but the 'apology'? Seriously, nothing can be less humorous than that. I just can't understand why the person who writes such BRILLIANT stuff otherwise can suffer to be portrayed as the 'Dr. Lovelove'. Honestly!

Numaya Shahriar: I just want to say- Musarrat YOU ROCK! Your part of the cover page just made my day! And osama- PLEASE! You have no idea about girls and fashion; your ideas are so biased! But Musarrat your article was so awesome! You are like my idol now! I agree guys in skinny jeans are SO LAME! Dr Lovelove's "apology" was hilarious! I thought it was genuine! Nano tales were awesome too!

Rojin Ammar: The conspiracy theory was far from hilarious in my opinion. Other than that solid issue. Okay guys, don't kill me over this: I agree with Musarrat on the cover, most probably because skinny jeans make me want to puke on them. LOVED Tareq's piece...genius!

Really want a piece on the semifinal and focus should be given on Mourinho, and fingers crossed for the album review request on ' Fever' by 'Bullet For My Valentine'..

Ashraf Uz Zaman: Really liked the article on alternative energy sources by Elius; let's hope we see these ideas turn into reality. 'Pigeons & Cricket,' 'The Great Bidesh,' and the comic were all superb. All that I liked about the Colonel's story was the disclaimer. The cover was readable (only the left side). Doc, we understand you have God Complex, now stop your personal 'awesomeness' reviews. And what with all the hype about cockroaches? Please keep the tech articles coming, RS and I miss EPL reviews.

Sharikul Huda: I am a big fan of "Babu", but I didn't like the way Shahriar insulted Manna Dey. Yes' I'm only 14, but listen to his songs. Anyway, Osama was great!

Nuwaira Raiyan: Do you not think after what Dr.Lovelove wrote last Thursday, his column should be considered by the Rising Stars? The thing is, his sarcastic yet most egoistic approach is disturbing to some of the readers. I think you should tell Dr.Lovelove to make his approach a little milder. It's okay to make fun of some of the readers who seek his advice but what he's doing is too much. Dr.Lovelove is getting carried away with his sarcasm and ego. Sir, I do not mean any offense against the Rising Stars or Dr.Lovelove. With due respect I hope you consider the matter I've put forth.

Send us your feedback and thoughts on RS at ds.risingstars@gmail.com. Also, you can visit our Facebook fan-page to keep up with all the weirdness that goes on behind the scenes.

News

Musical Evening
The music school, Music Planet, recently organised a show where the students showcased their musical talents. Well-known personalities, music teachers and the students' family members were also present at the concert. For more information on Music Planet, contact 01720564950.

WCG in Chittagong
F1 IT, the organizers for the WCG National Round in Bangladesh, are also hosting a preliminary championship at Chittagong.

Winners of the Mojo-sponsored event will automatically get a direct entry in the WCG Bangladesh National Final.

The Grand Final of WCG will be held in Los Angels, America with more than 80 nations participating from all across the globe.

The registration for the Chittagong Qualifiers shall take place on 9-10 May (10am to 5pm) at Premier University, Prabartak Mor, Chittagong. The tournament will be held in the same premises from 14th to 15th May, 2010. For more details, check the website.