A challenge too great: International coaches who wouldn't fit

By Osama Rahman

So we have bid farewell to yet another coach. Dido, to be exact. The BFF doesn't think that it's going to be a problem, because face it 'coaches will come and go'. The All-Knowing BFF Boss doesn't deem it a problem and certainly we shouldn't. So, where did Dido go wrong? Well, he cared for results, discipline and building for a future, but not for pampering the stars of the team, who need to be spoon-fed and shown affection despite silly tantrums. Dreadful mistake, Dido! What did you think we are? A top class International team? Hah! So who else wouldn't fit the bill to lead our team? Numerous others, but let's select a precise few for their special individual qualities which would disqualify them at first glance, from ever managing Bangladesh's Football Team, despite their love for a good challenge.

Alex Ferguson- He may boast of a knighthood and more prestigious trophies won than all the players of Bangladesh or even the sub-continent put together, but that isn't impressive enough. He may win more games then we eat fish, but he doesn't cater to the stars. Nope, he throws boots at them and then kicks them out for good. Whether it's the Golden Balls or Van the Man, when Ferguson says 'Go', even the best start packing. So, you know he would never be welcome here, where only the players stay, even if they are older than the coaches (ahem). Good performance or bad performance, doesn't count, only star power does. Well actually, playing for a big club matters, but that's for another day. Cross Pep on this one too.

Arsene Wenger- Now, Arsene would never ever ever ever last. Arsene Wenger doesn't buy the stars, he creates them. Through Trial and Error. Well, as BFF showed to Dido, there is no scope for Trail and Error here. Its only 'Play the stars and lose'. That's our mantra. Arsene knows there aren't any stars, only young players who can be molded into superstars. But youth policy is for BKSP, even if the young players you pick, play exceptionally well, you will still get the sack. BFF is not BKSP. Go figure.

Luiz Felipe Scolari- Big Phil has to hate one big star. Be it Rivaldo when he led Brazil to the World Cup or Drogba when he took over Chelsea, Big Phil has to hate one big star. Plus, his team likes to score goals. Plus he also throws tantrums. To top it all off he actually wins a lot of games. These characteristics go against all fundamentals of a good coach for Bangladesh. Imagine our football team winning a game without Emily and still managing to score over 5 goals. Scandalous. However, Big Phil can fold under pressure and make you forget all about defending in set plays, but hey that's still not good enough to get him the job.

Diego Maradona- Well, yes, he does lose a lot, but he rotates his squad way too much, so that kind of nullifies his attractive losing streak. And he goes against all norms of society. Sure, he has all sorts of tactical flaws but then that is masked with his attraction to obscene gestures. It's really a 50-50 thing, but since the coach would become bigger than the players themselves, maybe he wouldn't make it.

Jose Mourinho- No surprises here. Shuns the stars he doesn't want, craves the money for attracting stars, wishes for a big pay-package, outspoken and opposes the authority for time pass, Mourinho is all that our national team's coach shouldn't be. Plus, the fact that he is a tactical genius and has a natural knack for winning games disqualifies the 'Special One' even before consideration. As unfit as anyone can possibly be, if you ask the board.

So, as Mister Kazi's disenchantment with the BFF continues due to his constant flirting with a bigger 'seat' to fry *cough* saffpresidency *cough*, Bangladesh is yet again without a coach, heading into a major tournament. Sure, our team isn't exactly in disarray, but they never were. They have nothing to lose and have everything to lose as well, and that is something they have always prepared for. For once, we would like to stuff our words in our mouth. Best of luck with doing that. In the meantime, let us all search for our team's ideal coach. Or not. Whatever.