10 types of people common at a Dhaka wedding

DHAKA weddings are not just the communion of two souls and two families; the ceremony itself is an unlimited source of fun, you will just have to keep an open eye and mind. Among the different types of people the most eye-catching ones are listed below:

1. Enthusiastic comics: you will find them trying to crack jokes at anything and everything. They are usually the uncles or friends of the bride and the bridegroom, all aspiring comics trying to make their presence felt. The subjects of their jokes vary from the tears of the bride, to the sandals of the groom, through the eating habits of the in-laws, to quality of the food etc. Beware; if you laugh just a bit too hard out of politeness, they may try more of their horrible stuff.

2. The tabloid party: whether it's the cost of the wedding, the looks of the bride, the price of the bridal sari or other general dirt, pass by the table with the women who are throwing furtive looks over the crowd and whispering urgently. They don't want to make it obvious and usually break the tension with a few lightening laughs and friendly nodding at the general public but once back to the gossip; they cannot keep the intensity off their faces. After all, the steaming news generated here is going to be keeping them topic loaded at gatherings for months to come and the more details, the greater the longevity of the topic.

3. The Token Foreigner: this character usually receives the most attention at the wedding, possibly more than the bride and groom. An undeniable status symbol, one must prove one's place in society by having at least one of them grace their event. Ultimate sign of 'hip' if the foreigner is white, Orientals are acceptable and anything darker is generally ignored. Lack of all the above will have hordes of aunties with speech heavily laced with Urdu because just “Bangla” at one of these prestigious events is so backdated.

4. The Gluttons: no matter where you go or where you sit, you will always find such people beside you. As soon as the dinner is served they pile up food and always get second helpings. Researches prove that they usually starve for a day or two before the ceremony.

5. The heroes: may be a clichéd term, but that's the image the male equivalents of the giggly girls strive to portray, so it's only throwing them a bone. These strapping young gentlemen are found usually in the entrances to the wedding hall or decked out in the surrounding area in groups and at least one of them is strutting about talking on his cell phone while the others laugh and discuss the lack of pretty girls, all the while checking out the girls in their manner of 'discreetly'. They may also stick to the dress code and appear in matching colour Panjabis, making their brotherhood more solid, and harder to ignore.

6. Intellectuals: there are always some people huddled together in a table talking about politics and the global economy in general. They present wide views on different matters, sometimes making you wonder why the country is so poor even with them.

7. Wedding crashers: if you have read an article on wedding crashers a few weeks ago, there's no need to say more. They are easily spotted by their nervousness and furtive attitude.

8. Kids: Age group: 3-11, gender: mostly boys, with one or two girls and an occasional elder brother or sister. They run around the whole place in an endless game of tag. They occasionally bump into people and after a hurried apology, run away.

9. The giggle troupe: this is the group of girls in constant motion with matching colour ensembles, making them hard to miss due to all the condensed colour. They may even go as far as to match their hairstyle and makeup down to the last glitter, making it hard to distinguish one from the other. They occupy the same table, hover close to the boys and draw attention with their shrill laughter and obvious ogling as they search for a victim to criticize about, usually someone who dared to stray from the strict uniform. And don't even think about the loo when you see this bunch headed there, because chances are even if one of them has business to attend to, they'll all follow to maintain their strong unity, thereby blocking the way to the washroom until their all satisfied that their appearances is immaculate.

10. Lost teens: they can't mix with the kids or with the adults. They can't make friends easily too. Staring at the bride seems dumb to them. So they walk aimlessly and bother their moms about going home. Parties are boring as hell to them, but they do tend to notice things (this is how this article came into being).

If you haven't found anything that identifies you in this list, don't worry: this article was written from the point of view of one of the last class. As such, this article is also dedicated to them.

By Jawad and Tanzia
Photo: Star Weddings

An honest review:

The Gingerbread Man

IS it just some people or are children's books really disturbing? Falsifying facts and inviting children to believe obvious lies doesn't seem like a habit that should be promoted, yet it is. As if kids these days aren't stupid enough that parents have to feed them this extra load of garbage. Today, our topic of discussion is the infamous book 'Gingerbread Man'.

In a world lacking morals, such books should be kept as far away from the printing press, as possible. There are numerous reasons for this. Firstly, let us grasp what the book is about. It seems two hungry kids go to a farm to help out some old people. Everything is fine until the old woman of the farm insists on baking something for tea for the children. Now, a good approach would be to politely refuse the offer in order to not unnecessarily hassle the elder woman, but that's NOT what the story teaches you. In fact, no courtesy is maintained as the children jump at the offer and DEMAND a gingerbread man. Not only does this set a bad precedent but it also makes children believe that it is OK to demand rewards AFTER doing favours. Is this really what the children should be learning? Really?

Then what happens is that the old woman labours and labours away to bake the gingerbread man and once the delicious dish is made, she proceeds to compliment its beauty. What happens next is sheer blasphemy. The Gingerbread man, it says, jumps up and runs away saying 'No One Can Eat Me'. The Gingerbread man wishes to save its life and that's all fine, but should it not pause a second to thank the dear old lady who made him with so much care or even thank her for her compliment? Indeed it should, but the book teaches children to not thank their maker and run away from their problems.

What follows is a supposed high-speed chase, which bores even the dullest of readers. An old man, a cat, a cow, a horse and some children try to stop the gingerbread man, but he runs off saying the same damn thing (the old woman can't get me, the old man can't get me, the cat can't get me….) over and over again. Anyway, finally he comes to a halt near a pond, which he can't cross and then a fox offers to help him across. The fox takes the Gingerbread man deeper and deeper till he climbs the fox's back to save from drowning, then finally its nose and after that the fox eats him and the book says 'Snap'. The story also has no moral and no happy ending. The story loses plot and direction, there is no character development.

This sad tale teaches a lot of bad things to the children and it should be recommended only to insane people. Keep your children off such a bad-influence.

By Osama Rahman
Disclaimer: The opinions and views expressed in this article are the writer's own.

Don't be a smelly cat!

“Err..Dona, what's that smell?” Farisa asked tactfully, hoping that Dona would take the hint for a change. Alas, fate was not on her side. “Where?” Dona replied, wrinkling her nose, oblivious to her own foul body odour. Sighing in frustration, Farisa muttered a 'never mind' and covered her nose with her dupatta.

Everyday thousands of people step out of their homes, heading for work, university or school. While some have a good sense of personal hygiene, many, like our friend Dona above seem to be living in some parallel universe where their sense of smell and cleanliness has become non-existent.

It's not too hard, really. Instead of driving random strangers, family members and friends away with your toxic fumes, why not just try to stay clean and keep your personal hygiene in check? Here are a few RS how to tips for doing exactly that keeping yourself clean!

· Body odours are the biggest turn off in almost all occasions. You wouldn't want to be stuck in the same situation as Dona now would you? So ALWAYS carry a deodorant with you wherever you go.
· Bad breath is another embarrassment so make sure you keep your mouth sparkly fresh by rinsing it at least twice daily with good quality mouth wash.
· Our teeth are the most essential part of our smiles. Hence it is important that we maintain them. Brush daily after every meal and floss it regularly in order to prevent food sticking on to them.
· Dirt sticking inside your ears can be potentially dangerous. Remember to clean your ears with cotton buds. Don't forget to clean your nose either…ahem.
· For those who have a habit of biting their nails, its high time they quit. Nothing looks better than perfectly clipped and filed nails.
· How could we forget the feet? To avoid getting the Athlete's foot disease (something that causes your feet to stink like anything), make sure you wash your feet and socks regularly.
· Shampooing on alternate days, if not everyday, is a MUST. The accumulating oil, dirt and dandruff couldn't be a nice sight to witness for people, right?
· Regular showers are mandatory (a lot of people don't know that, honestly!). Do scrub your body with soap or a body wash because if your body isn't clean itself, then no amount of deodorant can help.
· Keeping your face dirt free is also essential. Use a face wash in the mornings and also before you go to bed.

By Nayeema Reza and Faria Sanjana