By Adnan M. S. Fakir

Friends are an intractable collage of humor; all you have to do is capture them in right instances. This is my attempt in trying to catch them in “right” instances (names withheld where asked for):

1) You see love is this intricate fallacy of happiness which we all seek without comprehending its negative externalities. At least that's what my friend believes. So one fine evening she abruptly asked another friend of mine, “Dost, tui bhalobasha paisosh.” His reply was pretty quick, “Na re. My bathroom stinks! I liked my old house better.”

2) This couple (now “friends”) just up broke up recently and they were talking about what went wrong. Well, you see a lot of things went wrong but the guy still likes the girl and the girl wants him to get over her; a very typical scenario. After trying several “tactics” with failure the girl finally screams out, “Just get over me will you!” Several moments of silence follows, and the guy finally replies, “Fine! I'll need to practice my jump for a day or two though.” Thank God they were just talking on the phone.

3) My friend Natasha is this cute adorable thing. She's also kind of slow with things. As it happens, on an argument one of her friends happened to call her a midwife. The next moment I find her calling me up and asking, “Oi! What is a half-wife?”

4) Another friend of mine Saad recently joined the aviation to learn how to fly. It's his first day of experiential training and everything goes pretty smoothly, until he receives his final instruction, “Landing platform at 2 o'clock.” He instantly got nervous and seriously replied, “Do I have enough fuel? What do I do till then?”

5) Banani is clearly one of the most lucratively fun places in Dhaka; just keep your eyes open and you are bound to see something fun. My friend and I were walking down Banani 11 until we happened to see a “huzur” slapping his cheeks saying “Astakfirullah” with his eyes wide open. He was just standing there and looping his actions for like over 10 minutes, until we finally got near him and realized why. Sweet Dreams (the lingerie shop) was right there.

6) Emil and I were at Abdullahpur the other day in a rickshaw enjoying the elegant breeze of other people's labor. All of a sudden a truck pulled up and almost hit us. That's pretty normal but what I found interesting was that all three of us blurted out at the same time, “Holy Shit;” the third person being the rickshaw-walla. Who said Bangladesh wasn't developing?

Mess avoided
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."
"It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."

Hard find
Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.
Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.
Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Oops!
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?"
"I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry."
"But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?"
"Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it."
"But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?"
"Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away."
"Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?"
"Of course not! He's lefthanded!"