The week in re(ar)view

Multinational companies often give a special benefit to their employees who work in inhospitable regions. The problem could be anything from long commuting distance, harsh weather to death at the hands of terrorists or vicious insects. They cal it many things but generally it is known as the hardship allowance. It's a financial sum paid out to the employees for the hardships and threats to their lives encountered while in the service of the multinational.

In the same line of thought Bangladeshi citizens are serving the motherland. And living here every step of the way is a hardship and threat to the citizen's existence. Take for example waking up in the morning and going to work. You scramble to jump onto a super overloaded bus and then get squashed to death or suffocated due to having your nose buried in another commuter's armpit. Then there are killers like muggers, fundamentalists and rich kids with fast cars and no experience. If you eat something you are liable to be swallowing colours, metallic and chemical ingredients and even objects meant for producing a car. See? We could produce a car but we would rather use the material to adulterate food.

So as citizens of this state we should get hardship allowance for simply living in Bangladesh. Of course, in that sense we (as well as pigs) should also be able to sprout wings on our back and fly. You see, our hardship will go away the day pigs can fly.

Satan is going to be mad
13 September a mobile court raided yet another unauthorized blood bank that was collecting the red stuff without any permission or screening. And like we mentioned last time these were also kept in general purpose refrigerators where some of the blood turned blue. We wonder if they manage to sell this tainted blood like some hi-fi shopkeepers advertise and sell off old nearly expiring food.

Experts said that “the blood could be lethal to the users”. No kidding! Just imagine all those who practice satanic arts and witchcraft using such substandard blood. Satan is going to be mad.

A novel solution
Ship breaking is a big industry in the country although it is not recognized as such. It earns more than 900 crore in revenue per year employing 20000 people. It is also providing employment to the mortuaries in the country as ship breaking is a hazardous process and workers die hazardously quite often. Not only that it wreaks havoc on the environment as many biological and hazardous wastes are let loose from the ships directly into nearby waters, grounds and air.

Resident Conspiracy Theorist (RCT) says: We should find a way to employ all the political miscreants who love breaking cars during hartals. Make them vent their anger on the ships instead and in the process if many die due to sudden release of poisonous gasses then all the better. No one will mourn their loss except political leaders.

Quote of the day: “It is definite that there must be indefinite hartals” - RCT

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

Laff lines

Papa Fell
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - "
he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Foreseen Death
Fellow 1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
Fellow 2: "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1: "A judge told him.

A Small Test
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ...then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined.. "

"Our son is going to be a politician!"

RS Mailbx

I couldn't help but notice that the 14th Sept article "War of the Machines" was heavily biased. Instead of getting a fair comparison between the new three consoles, I mostly got two PS2 game reviews. Wasn't this supposed to be an article about the next-gen? There was even some seriously wrong info about the XBOX. Mind it; I played both PS2 and XBOX. Even if I hate XBOX, it doesn't mean that I should hide some truths and try to defame it. Honesty and respect is the key.

Here are the mistakes:
1. Microsoft's Halo was an original, exclusive XBOX title released at the 2001 launch. It was ported to the PC two years later. Acclaimed as one of the best shooters in any platform, Halo shares top place with the revolutionary Half-Life and Doom franchises, period. It almost single handedly sold millions of XBOX, like the way Vice City sold PS2 at 2000.

2. "Halo's endings are so far depressing" ? I played Halo PC… turns out Halo has a superb story and ending! Only Halo 2's ending was disappointing, not because there was anything wrong with the ending itself, but because it was ' to be concluded' in Halo 3, just like Matrix 2. No one likes to wait, you see.

3. XBOX had a large impact on this gen . XBOX came out of nowhere, became Sony's greatest rival, and outperformed the other two consoles in terms of power. Many shooters even started to copy ideas from Halo. True, it doesn't have MGS and RE. But it has exclusive titles like Halo series, Far Cry series (versions not released on PC), Unreal Championship series (UT's console-equivalent by same creators) and the highly acclaimed PGR racing series (X360's PGR 3 is officially in WCG 2006). XBOX also shares games like Black, Half-Life 2, Counter-Strike, Doom 3, GTA, Mafia, Freedom Fighters and Splinter Cell.

4. The article assumes that graphics is very important to a game. This is so wrong! I played Doom 3; graphics was excellent, but the gameplay was old-school and hence the game was forgettable.

5. And btw, UT 2007 and Spore are being released on X360 as well.

The article was enjoyable, but was marred by the biased content, elaborate reviews (surprisingly Halo was so short) and incorrect info. I expected to see screenshots of the new consoles and controllers, as well as those of MGS4 (Snake with eye-patch!). And it should be mentioned that the Halo 3 pictures were in real-time i.e. same graphics as game. MGS4 also has real-time screenshots.

I hope future articles will get rid of biased content, and that writers will do some research before pasting such items.

Make the grade in easy steps!

You don't have to be the smartest girl or boy in school to get great grades. Here are some tips from those who make it good!

Make a fabulous first impression!
During the first week of classes, convince your teachers you have A potential. How? Pay attention, write down assignments, take notes and smile!

Try to do well in your tests and try to be well prepared for them. Approach your teachers after class and ask a question, even if you have to make something up. The point is to get noticed in a positive way. But, just don't overdo it!

Listen to what the teachers say
Teachers are probably giving out obvious clues as to what they want from students. If your English teach says, "Use lots of descriptive details in your essay," then fill your paper with tons of descriptive details! Sounds simple, but teachers are happy when you do what they say. Also, listen for hints for what's going to be on the next test.

If your Maths instructor stresses how important the Trigonometric Functions are, you probably can bet it'll be part of the exam!

Stand up for yourself
If you think you deserved a better grade, then speak up! Just be sure to do it in a constructive way. Don't say, "You took too many points off my essay!" Instead ask, "Would you please explain why you took points off for this?" or “Sir what could I have written to earn more marks?”. Unfortunately there are some teachers who take of points for no reason.

Well, in that case you have nothing to do but hope that he took points off the other students as well! Then listen carefully to what your teacher has to say before making your point.

In the end it all depends on hard work, devotion and less TVs and hanging out. I am strictly against group-study, so you may want to avoid it.

After classes, if you do not understand something, bug the teacher and make sure you know what he is talking about and the way he wants the answer written. And if you still get a bad grade after this, you are plain dumb…accept it!

By Shamma M. Raghib

Top Tunes

What's hot in the music charts this week?

Underground
1. Ajob (sefl titled)
2. Scarecrow (oparthib)
3. Cryptic Fate (Danob)
4. Poizon Green (self titled)
5. Arbovirus (64min 53 sec)

Overall
1. Faissa Gechhi-Hyder Husyn
2. Ajob (self titled)
3. Fuad- Vibration 25
4. Shafeen Ahmed-Kotodin dekhina tomae
5. Lamp-er alo-DJ Rahat
6. Mila
7. Stoick Bliss-light years ahead
8. Bangla-Prottutponnomotitto
9. Shironamheen
10. Baul Shah Abdul Karim

Courtesy of Tunes BD.com

A small (belated) dedication to my 'Maa' on her birthday

'Maa' you are the most wonderful person living on this planet because you are a package of everything which makes me feel i'm missing nothing.

You are the person who loves me and cares for me without demanding anything.

Being your daughter not just makes me proud but I feel i'm blessed as you are the person who gives me the strength to stand infront of crowd.It is you for whom i've seen this world and it is your blood that is running through each and every single vein of mine.

So it gives me great pleasure to thank you for everything again and again.....

Your unconditional love,words and scoldings are like eternal shadow in my life that is going to make me successful until I survive.

Happy Birthday 'Maa'!!You really mean a lot to me.

The day of your birth is very special to me because if u were not here,I wouldn't exist.

Tamanna Afrooz Priya

Corrigendum

The photograph of the kids with toothy smiles on page 7 last week was taken by Niloy. Omission of his name removed his toothy smile.