The week in re(ar)view
Take one laxative pill after reading

Terror has a new name
January 19, another minister has joined the ranks of media bashing. This time it is Minister of Housing and Public Works Mirza Abbas who termed the media as a terrorist. Cool thing is he finally put a name to journalists a.k.a. Pen Terrorist. Just goes to show that the writing device really is mightier than a sword. According to our minister certain journos are “assassinating” BNP leaders in writing. Let's face it, AL leaders also get blasted in other papers. You have to read a lot of different papers to get all the blasted news. Of course, he does have reason to blame the media because certain journalists do abuse their powers and publish slander in the name of sensationalism. But despite all that having “Pen Terrorist” on our ID cards seems like a cool idea.

Submarine power
Bangladesh is to be (or not to be) finally linked by submarine cable so we can transfer big pictures of submarines faster across the internet. Estimate for the completion date is February but remember that it was supposed to be finished last November. Basically it will allow internet users a 10 gigabyte bandwidth compared to the 150 megabyte bandwidth we suffer from now. In layman's terms the cyber cafes will do even better business supplying porn to the public.

Legal demands
18 January, lawmen of Bangladesh Judicial Service Association (BJSA) have demanded several items or else they will protest a bit more. They have asked for armed bodyguards as well as guards at residence, firearms and 50 lakhs taka to be paid to each slain lawmen's family. All this makes sense except they also demanded tax free vehicles. It reads like a get rich quick scheme where they can purchase a luxury car for 20 lakhs and sell it for three times the amount. Unreasonable unless they plan to purchase armoured vehicles. Very reasonable if we have lawyer uncles who can buy tax free Corvettes and Mustangs for us.

Prepaid pinch
20 January, Bangladesh Telecom regulation Commission (BTRC) feels it is necessary for all cell phone service providers to collect user details of all pre-paid subscribers. Phone tappers will know exactly who they are tapping. Government likes to call this invasion of privacy as an interest of national security. Only thing this would help is to track down prank callers who use prepaid numbers. Problem is anyone can simply pay to get whatever documents they need. A likely ridiculous proposal is to snap all connections and force users to do it all over again.

The Resident Conspiracy Theorist (RCT): “Heed this warning. A day will come when you have to carry license and all necessary documents to show to mobile court not for your car or bike but for your mobile phone SIM/RIM card. Then I can say I told you so.”

By Gokhra and Mood Dude

Tete-a-tete
Thought of the week:
“Remember your past mistakes just long enough to profit by them”
~ Dan Mckinnon~

Hey All,
Wow…it feels great to see some activity in the old mailbox. I didn't realise how much I missed hearing from the readers.
Rez/Morris/person with a dozen nicks, your friends from JHS wish you a belated happy birthday. With that, I'd like to remind everyone that this isn't the Shout Out column, and I don't normally do dedications.

I'd also like to remind you that there are a couple Valentine's Day contests going on, so please send in your entries.

There's the Valentine 800, which is a love story of 800 words. There's the V-Spoof, which is a Valentine parody of 500 words. You can send in your “10 reasons why V-day sucks” lists (but go easy on the obscenity!), and you can also dedicate Love Limericks (four-line poem of rhyming couplets) to your loved one.

I made a little boo-boo. The mailto addy for the entries is risingstars@thedailystar.net . Those of you who have already sent it to the gmail address or to me, don't worry. I'll play messenger and forward it to the right place.

Finally, the new Boycott section is still under construction, so if you're missing it this week, don't worry, they'll be back with lots of girly goodies. We'd also like feedback on what you'd like to see in this section, so do the Aguilera and tell us 'what a girl wants'. Okay, okay, I'll shut up now.

Till next week, take care!

Send your polls, opinions and comments to: teteatete_tgnd@yahoo.com
By The Girl Next Door

The things people did on the 31st

The title may have suggested what this article is all about, so I won't be wasting your and my time with an introduction. Let's just plunge on.

Gamer at 12 AM: Have to win this race…Have to blow the boss…have to complete this mission (at this point he becomes vaguely aware of the music and screams coming from outside) …Feeling groggy, been playing for twelve hours flat…must win race…

Band Crazed Idiot at 12 AM: Hmmm…if I twist the lyrics up a bit, will people notice that I'm a plagiarist…will they notice that I stole tunes from that song…maybe if I add a drum solo it'll count as a remix… (doesn't even notice the firecrackers crackling outside)

Bookworm at 12 AM: Finally! Finished the Sheldon, now for the Cussler, then, hopefully I'll be able to start the King by dawn. Darn it! Can't they cheer somewhere else! (Looks out of window) Idiotic people, what do they find so joyful about tonight?

14-year-old teen at 12 AM: Hmm… do I dare to turn the TV on? Do I dare to put on HBO and watch Afterdark? Do I dare to turn the DVD player on? Do I dare to play “that” CD? (Furtively glances around him, as he sets up the DVD player. Doesn't notice anything)

Lovebird at 12 AM: I wonder why he hasn't called yet… Maybe he's forgotten me! Oh God maybe there's some one else! Maybe it's that cow from accounting class. I just knew she was hitting on him when she came wearing that glittery dress! (Frantically scrabbles for the cell phone, too busy dialing the number to care about the celebrations taking place outside) Oh! His number's busy! I just knew it!

Evil Maniac devising his next attack on the neighbor's dog at 12 AM: If I bunk the last period and come home early, then the damn dog won't be expecting it! I'll be able to give a good hearty kick up its hairy ***! The twitchy bastard will run home squealing! HA! HA! HA! (Doesn't notice the people dancing at all, due to his insane laughter)

Wanna-be Poet at 12 AM: “And from the ashes rose…” No… That can't be right… “Denied comfort, the swaying roses tired…” No, this isn't right either… Maybe if I re arrange the first few lines, the accursed thing will rhyme! (Starts ripping up the poem in frustration. Doesn't notice the things happening outside due to his poetic endeavors)

Nerd at 12 AM: And the answer is 120665.Close balance sheet. Now for chemistry… Paper 1…Name the following… CH4…methane…KCLO3 potassium chlorate… (Wakes up at dawn to realize that he's fallen asleep! God! He didn't even finish the physics paper! Doesn't even glance at the calendar)

All night talkers at 12 AM: Must talk! Must talk! Ah! Finally midnight! Now I can babble nonchalantly about nothing for hours, maybe till dawn! 1st call duration: 2 hours 47 minutes 29 seconds… 2nd call duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 17 seconds…(Who cares what people are doing, lets just chat till eternity!!)

Militants at 12 AM: Now I connect the green wire with the black one and eureka! A bomb I give you! Umm… How do you stop the timer? Why is that little light blinking? Where's my manual? Ah…” Never connect the green wire with the black one, if you do, then dude, you'd better scram!” (Doesn't notice much because he's sweating it out with the bomb)

RAB at 12 AM: Hey you think wearing shades at night makes me look stupid? No? But, what about the bandana? Why are we supposed to wear them? Psst… hey, we've been standing guard here for hours now, maybe we could just crossfire that kid over there and tell people that he's a wanted criminal. Huh, huh, what'd you think?

Normal People at 12 AM: Who the hell woke me up with that SMS. Oh it's New Year! Hmm…Must start sending SMSs to let's see…(Spends hours sending and receiving SMSs, then goes to sleep)

Me: ZZZzzz…

By Tareq

Mood Dude's ad corner

For sale:
Previously a hardtop black BMW, presently a convertible.
Equipment: Power steering, alloy wheels, CD changer along with full compilation of the hit pop group Bangladeshi Boys latest hits. The car is almost brand new and was driven only 2.5 kilometers from the dealers shop to this sporting goods accessories shop to fit the stylish roof ornament. The ornament is a genuine imported concrete Nike ball. The combination of ultimate driving machine and ultimate ball is enough to leave anyone breathless.

Optional equipment include cup holder with half full (or half empty) cup of water with the liquid provided at no extra cost.

Send offers to mood_dude1@yahoo.com and please place the zeroes on the cheque before the actual digit.

RS Mailbox
The one stop junction for hate mail, love letters and cash stuffed in envelopes addressed to Rising Stars

Biped bovines
Last issue the cover article as well as the drawing of the battle-ready cow were great. But I did notice a slight discrepancy. In the drawing the cow standing in line behind the first one had only two legs. Do I win any sort of prize for my brilliant observation?

Sumon
Thanks to readers like you we at Rising Stars are kept on our toes. Apparently our cows also stay on their toes hence you could not see the rear legs. You would win a prize if you we had the funniest letter contest. Heck, we will award you anyway. You get free issues of all the Rising Stars that come out on every other day except Thursday.

Babu's back
Is Babu back for good? Hope so!

Arman
It was tough finding Babu but Bhola and Boo managed to threaten him to appear in a few strips. But the slippery character might slip again.

Car crazy
Occassonally you print some real cool articles on some real cool and unusual cars. But recently we have been seeing some unusual vehicles in Bangladesh. Kids here are coming up with funky designs modifying their cars. How about a bit of coverage of that? In fact recently Lipu launched his very own creation. It's a cool black coupe. Cars are too cool to be left out of anything.

Simin Ahmed
Ummmm, someone here is car crazy too but unpopular demand keeps car coverage to a minimum. Leepus car was slightly reviewed on a different section of Daily Star.