SportsWatch

By Tausif Salim

No! I am not giving up my column that easily. This is still Quazi Zulquarnain Islam territory!!!! But read on and find out why SportsWatch has a different name to it today!!
The ICC's new and “innovative” methods to perk up cricket have been met with mixed responses from people all over the world. While many have embraced it, a lot of others have voiced their displeasure quite audibly.
Tausif Salim, of the RS fame, is one such person. Today in SportsWatch we take a look at some further innovations that he has proposed. I will tell you this much. These will perk up the game. Anyways without further ado, I bid you all farewell and a very happy eid!
As always direct your mails/views/opinions to zulquarnain.islam@gmail.com
Enjoy the article!!!
Recently, the ICC has introduced the 'powerplay' and the 'super-sub' modifications with hopes of reviving the ODI, which according to them, has turned boring. I'm not sure they have at all thought about test matches during their R & D project. With the exception of the 'exceptional' Ashes series, test cricket has left us with a hell lot to expect.
Nevertheless, such decisions are far from surprising. After all, these are the same pundits who give birth to premature 'test babes' and then call for their abortions.
But don't get me wrong here. I dare not defy the masterminds of world cricket.
If they feel one-day cricket needs 'spicing up', it certainly needs spicing up. And to help with this curry cooking, I'm here with some more ideas. If anyone from the ICC is reading this, take note!
(1) Spot-the-sub: This modification is actually an add-on to the newly implemented 'super-sub'. Under this, the super-sub will be required to wear his underpants over his trousers once the substitution has been announced. In perfect 'Superman' style!
Pros: This will help the players and the spectators to follow the game better as the 'super-sub' can be easily spotted. This can also help the sponsors as there will be a lot on attention on the underpants. It won't be surprising to see lines such as “Just do it” or “Yeh pyaas hai badi” printed across them.
Cons: Visual pollution and hygiene factor.
(2) Spit-out: This is a brand new upgrade that is sure to be a hit with the Aussies and the English. Once implemented, this will allow a batsman to say one word to the umpire to 'spit-out' his disgust after being given out. This will not be seen as a breach of conduct, however colourful his vocabulary might be.
Pros: Perfectly fair to those umpires who give outrageous decisions.
Cons: The sport may need PG ratings due to high usage of explicit language. Censorship in TV (tooot!) may spoil the entire fun.
(3) Lady-umpires: This is potentially the most popular of the proposed modifications. One or both on field umpires can be women under this new law.
Pros: Need an explanation?
Cons: Distraction, fall in playing standards, more dropped catches, etc. etc.
(4) Energy-boosters: Energy drinks such as 'Shark' and 'Crown' should replace the so-called soft drinks served in drinks breaks. This will lead to a mightier and faster paced gameplay.
Pros: Lee breaking the sound barrier.
Cons: Players may be discouraged to drink 'Crown' seeing the state of health of its Ad model. In addition, all players are advised to stay away from Hayden and Inzy to avoid the risk of being trampled.