Everything is Fake!

By AES

Yep! You bet I am right. I mean, just look around you and you will observe that everything is fake! Well, almost everything. Fake branded watches, belts, shirts, trousers, fake English accents, fake Bangla accents (Banglish!), even fake transcripts and O level and A level certificates!

Nowadays, people seem to have a notion that wearing fake branded apparels is the only way to reach the stratosphere of ultimate 'coolness', surpass it even. We witness more and more people wearing shirts with huge Armani labels precariously sticking out in the most conspicuous possible ways. The labels somewhat scream out 'Hey everyone, look at me, I am spoiled rich brat who can afford Armanis' and imply 'Everyone look at me! I am a cheap wannabe Armani attired snob who purchases 150 Tk shirts from Bongo Bazar and prattles around that they are original, imported from Italy.'

Fake CK products seem to be the most popular. They are given peculiar names like 'Galvin Klan' 'Calvin Kowan' and what not! Fake CK belts with enormous buckles are the 'in' things. But as the buckles are mostly made out of unshaped metals, it's indeed a daunting task for people to wear them without puncturing their belly! The fake watches are equally appalling. Most of them look like huge chunks of shapeless shiny metal and nothing more than that!

Fake shoes and sneakers of reputable brands are widely available nowadays. Most people believe that anything with a Nike or Adidas logo is synonymous to impeccable quality (and I am not disagreeing) but little do they realise that 90 percent of the branded goods in the market are fake. They just attach a logo and that's it. People are gullible enough to buy them for a hefty amount of money! Sometimes the consumers even know that they are fake but still buy them just to show off to people who are even more gullible that they are indeed original top-notch brands!

Fake hair is even more popular. More and more people tend to wear wigs nowadays. We always envied our 'tabla' sir's jet-black hair and we didn't realise he wore a wig until one fateful day (fateful for him that is!), he was as usual bragging excitedly to the class about how he almost got a PhD in 'tabla' when suddenly his wig fell off his head. And there it was right before our very eyes his bald head resembling a shiny bowling ball, reflecting the fluorescent lights that lighted our classroom! What happened next, I leave it up to the reader's to contemplate.

It seems as if people can't even give a genuine smile nowadays. Fake, skin crawling, 32 teeth baring smiles seem to be the 'in thing'. One of my teachers have a smile like that a superficial, absolutely appalling, ear-to-ear, contemptuous 'Grinch type' grin that runs cold shivers down my spine.

Not only smiles, people also tend to copy personalities. Its may sound a bit fallacious, but it's true! People do actually fake their own personality and impersonate someone else's mostly a famous rock star's or a movie star's. I have even witnessed people copying Bengali film stars' personalities (flashy multicoloured attires and dialogues like 'Ei shoondori, come to me!!').

Fake accents are the most, READ, the most, irritating! Especially fake English accents. The worst part is that the number of people with fake English accent seems to grow day by day. But how can we possibly blame them when we see the newscasters in our public TV channel blabbering away in incoherent, monotonous, not to mention soporific, fake English accents!! Its contagious fakeness if you ask me! The English-Bengali hybrid (Banglish) is even worse. People intentionally speak as if they don't know Bengali and use bizarre pronunciations and make complete fools out of themselves. Little do they realise that speaking in such a peculiar manner automatically imply that he or she can't speak either Bangla or English properly and therefore is a moron. As simple as that: a moron.

If you are an MSN messenger addict and spend 90 percent of your time online, then you must have noticed that some people always put the 'away' or 'busy' status from the moment they sign in and keep it that way as long as they are online, yet seem to instantaneously reply any message sent to them. These 'busy' or 'away' status seem to imply 'I am a very busy person and have a life, I come online to do important work, not to chat with my contacts'. These 'wannabe busy' attitudes online are utterly irritating and I recommend the readers to do what I do with these types of contacts: just block and delete them from your contact list.

What's wrong with the world? People even fake their O level, A level certificates and their school transcripts! Fake Os and As certificates are abundantly available in the market, even worse is when people tend to fake ECA records. Lazy goofs who spent their whole school life doing practically nothing played in the national soccer team, participated in all school activities, taught classical dance, wrestled alligators and what not, according to their college application forms. And surprisingly, most colleges are gullible enough to believe everything!

Isn't it utterly irritating when twelve year olds blabber about Einstein's theory of relativity, Stephen Hawking's Big Bang theory, the laws of thermodynamics etc? I mean those kids don't even know what physics is; yet they prattle about quantum mechanics and what not! I mean they actually fake their intelligence! One of my classmates had a habit like that. When we were in class six and just started physics, he used to lecture everyone on Einstein's theory of general relativity. Boy! he sounded SO silly! I mean he didn't even know what a 'force' is for God's sake! Surprisingly, the teachers and his parents failed to see through his idiosyncrasies and believed that he was a gifted child, Well, he was gifted all right a gifted quack!

In retrospect, I should say that I am not discouraging nor am I condemning anyone for using fake goods and having fake accents and all. Then again, it's so obviously silly to wear conspicuous CK belts and apparently fake Armani shirts and claim that they are original! But I am condemning people who fake their transcripts, ECA records and exam certificates to get into college. Come on people, get a life!!

(Readers may send opinions, fan mails, hate mails, love letters, marriage proposals, death threats, credit card numbers, net passwords, viruses, O level and A level candidate numbers, SAT scores blah blah blah to the following address: AES_the_freak@hotmail.com.)