Tête-à-tête

Hey People!
Don't you hate hypocrites? People who flash you a 500-watt smile when they're in front of you, and then stab you in the back the moment you turn it? Yet there are so many around you, if you just look hard enough. Maybe it's that girl in school, who takes a comment you might have jokingly passed, dissects it, adds a lot of gura moshola, and then spreads it around the whole campus. Or it could be the kid who works for you, the one who's always extra friendly around you, but talks behind your back.

Okay, okay, I don't intend on launching a bhashon against our hypocritical shotrus here…God knows we've heard a lot of those over the past few weeks.

Anyway, there's a lot of wise wisdom about the SAT on page 3 this week, so I thought I'd share with you some actual answers from SAT tests taken in Arkansas. Enjoy:

:Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Send your polls, opinions, and queries to thegirlnextdoor1@hotmail.com

By The Girl Next Doo

Word-Power

Enhance your word-power

Being eloquent isn't all about having a husky voice and a fake English accent. After all, if your word-stock isn't strong
enough to balance your well-loaded think tank, you might just as well be a wooden plank with a cute face drawn on it.
Take the following test and see for yourself if you are a wooden plank or not.

1. finagle v - A: diminish. B: betray. C: flatter. D: obtain deviously.
2. equestrian n - A: a tight-rope walker. B: a judge. C: a rider on a horseback. D: a mathematician.
3. pusillanimous adj - A: dramatic. B: timid. C: forceful. D: erotic.
4. a misogynist is someone who - A: loathes women. B: studies the behaviour of insects. C: spreads gossips. D: hates marriage.
5. versatile adj - A: troublesome. B: bizarre. C: rude. D: all-round.
6. convivial adj - A: lively. B: indicative. C: thoughtful. D: temporary.
7. gymnophobia is the fear of - A: gym. B: insects. C: nakedness. D: darkness.
8. evanescent adj - A: ephemeral. B: conclusive. C: wistful. C: widespread.

Answers.
1. finagle - D: obtain deviously, i.e. The kid finagled his way out of the punishment. The origin is uncertain.
2. equestrian - C: a rider on a horseback. The word is derived from equus, the Latin for horse. Equestrian is also an adjective referring to horseback riding, i.e. an equestrian statue.
3. pusillanimous - B: timid. The word is derived from the Latin roots pusillus, tiny, and animus, mind. The pusillanimous people are tiny minded, hence timid.
4. a misogynist is someone who - A: loathes woman. The word is derived from the Greek roots misein, to hate, and gyne, women. The Greek for marriage is gamos. Hence, someone who hates marriage is a misogamist.
5. versatile - D: all-round. The word is derived from verto, to turn. Versatile people can turn their talents in many directions. You can also call them the Master of all games.
6. convivial - A: lively. Convivial is derived from the Latin word convivium, which means a feast or a banquet. A convivial person is feastive, sociable, and always cheerful.
7. gymnophobia is the fear of - C: nakedness.
8. evanescent - A: ephemeral. Short-lived. The word is derived from the Greek vanesco, to vanish. The noun is evanescence. All the Evanescence fans out there raise your hands!
Taking one point for each correct answer, your result:
0 - 2: Err…the cowshed is that a way.
3 - 5: Good.
6 - 7: Cool.
8 : Caught you. You had been taking help from your Thesaurus!

By Peter Parker

Hey people!
Scary situations taking place nowadays. Hope all our readers are fine, and hope you all are being very careful when you venture out at night. Anyway, I would just like to remind you that it is better if you all do NOT send junk mail to our account. It really is hard sorting them out of the billions of mail that we get every day. Thank you all for bearing with us. Enjoy the column!

Hey Ashraf,
You really rule! And you mean a lot to me. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are the best!
Shareen.

Dear Saki
Happy Birthday to You (25th August). So, it is your birthday again my dear friend. It is your friendly ways that makes our friendship so special. The best wishes goes to my best friend. Yah Saku, I pray to the Almighty for your good fortune and a life full of cheer and prosperity. May the Almighty fulfill all your dreams.
Your best friend
George

My friends of Dhaka College are requested to mail me at saki_25a@hotmail.com. Please do not mail me at my previous address.
Bye.
Saki

By Crucified

Politically Correct Dictionary
Constructivist feminist psychotherapy psychobabble
Environmentally correct human dead
Facially challenged ugly
Cyclically challenged -- having PMS
Caucasian Culturally-Disadvantaged -- white trash
Rhythmically challenged -- white boy
Female gender biased -- prefers women who shave their legs
Government employee stupid
Uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path loser
Rustically inclined redneck
Factually unencumbered -- ignorant

Compiled by Foot-in-mouth

Opposites

Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking. The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could walk on water.
His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck...the dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the
duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?"
The Pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?"

ADZ

I would like to buy a local single bass drum set within the range of 2000-2500 TK. Anyone interested, please contact me at quazis@bol-online.com

Learn advanced music theory, techniques and composition aspects (guitar). Metal, rock, shred, blues, jazz. By experienced teacher from USA (7 years). Contact Ron -8322609

I want to sell my almost new headphone(new model, with computer facility). Price-negotiable
Contact: Sajid (Ph-8616482) or E-mail: sajid7831@hotmail.com

I would like to sell my Pentium-4 PC with Microlab 5:1 Surround Sound Speakers,which was bought early this year(2004),as I will be leaving (for) abroad in a week or so.Interested persons are requested to contact as soon as possible as I will sell the PC before I leave BD(i.e.in early September.)Contact e-mail address:aranyasyed@hotmail.com(A Syed);Contact telephone numbers:0171175397(Aranya Syed) or 8812154(Nasir).

Electrical Guitar for sale. Craftsman, with four pickup selecter, one pair humbucker and 21 frets. Price 9,000(negotiable). Any one interested please contact 0172831639.