Write to Mita
Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
I am a service-holder with a company for about a year now. I used to live in the UK for a certain time for my education. Now I have come back to Bangladesh to settle down because I love my country. When I was abroad, I had a long distance relationship with a girl in Bangladesh, with whom I fell deeply in love. We spent thousands of hours talking on skype. We used to have a lovely time talking and at one point she agreed to marry me. But when I was planning to come to Bangladesh to marry her she suddenly started behaving differently. I tried to call her everyday but she didn't answer most of my calls. I bought a diamond ring for her because she liked it so much. But when I reached Dhaka she refused to see me. This was my first serious relationship and now I find myself at a loss. All the eligible pretty young women have boyfriends or are married. What should I do?
Logically Helpless
Dear Helpless,
Difficult as this is to accept, the young woman is not interested in you anymore. She might have had some feelings when you were skyping but this feeling was not strong enough for a long term serious relationship such as marriage. Please don't be too upset about this as these things happen. You should look forward and get along with your life. It cannot be that all the eligible and pretty women in Bangladesh are married or engaged. So, save the diamond ring, I am sure you will meet someone soon and this time it will not only be on the phone.
Dear Mita,
I have just graduated from high school and am about to go off to the US for college. I am excited beyond words, but I have to leave behind a boyfriend of three years. We have had a lovely relationship, and I don't want to end it. He isn't applying abroad and has enrolled in a local university. The problem is, he wants me to do the same. He thinks me wanting to go abroad means I don't feel the same way about him and that I want to move on which is not the case. I want a long distance relationship but he doesn't believe in that. This upsets me a great deal because I feel guilty and misunderstood. I really want to convince him that my feelings for him won't change. How can I do this?
Lost
Dear Lost,
You boyfriend is being unreasonable in asking you to stay back and not pursue higher studies. He should support your ambition just as you should support his. It is very important that both of you are on the same wave length on such fundamental matters otherwise there might be problems in future. If your love and commitment to each other is strong then distance will not be a factor. However, having said that, it is difficult to maintain a long distance relationship for a very long time. However, whatever might be the case, staying back will not help because you will always resent that your ambition remained unfulfilled because of him.
Dear Mita,
I am a single mother of two and am extremely troubled. My husband passed away when my daughters were very young (3 years and 7 years old). Since then, I refused to marry a second time despite family members urging me to do so as they thought I could not raise the children alone. But I was stubborn, I did not want to replace their father and there was no guarantee a new man in my life would love them as much as I do. My daughters are 11 and 15 years old now, and I have met someone whom I have come to like and respect very much. For the first time in years, I considered re-marrying because I believe he is a good man and will look after my children the way I do. He has no children of his own and he loves mine very much. The problem is, my daughters are so used to living with me alone, they are not prepared to accept him in any way as my husband. The younger one has been troubled about this and she has expressed herself through rebellious behaviour in school and my teenager has barely spoken to me since I spoke to them about this. Now, I feel guilty and ashamed for acting selfishly. Should I call this whole thing off?
Guilty Mother
Dear Guilty,
There is a saying that “all mothers are guilty mothers.” The fact that you are feeling guilty is not unusual at all. To answer your last question first. No, you should not in anyway call the whole thing off! Why should you do that? Your daughters in a few years will grow up and go about their own lives. If you lose this chance for happiness now, you will surely regret it and blame your daughters for it. On the other hand, your daughters will after a few years regret their decision to stop you because they will have no time for you and might even resent taking care of you. These are harsh realities that parents have to face once their children grow up. Please talk to your girls, assure them that no matter what happens, you will continue to love and protect them. Perhaps talking to a professional counselor might be a good idea. Look for support among other single mothers; many have faced the same dilemma as you. I know this is a very difficult decision, but don't throw away the chance of happiness knocking at your door now, the knock might stop soon, and you will live to regret it.
