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Write to MIta

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for two years. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met, he is loving, attentive, loyal, intelligent, good looking, basically someone out of a dream. I have decided that this is the man I want to spend my life with and I want to propose to him on New Year’s Eve, only problem is, noone around me thinks this is a good idea. They tell me that being a woman I can't propose to a man and I should wait for him to do it. I really don't want to wait though but I'm now worried that he will think I am too forward. Please tell me what you think I should do.
In love

Dear In Love,
The norm is that a man proposes to a woman first. However, if you feel confident that his response will be positive then go ahead. If you are not very confident then I think it is better to take the indirect route. You can ask a friend to suggest to him or give hints that it is high time to settle the issue. Frankly, after a two-year relationship, a man should be ready to make up his mind and make a commitment. If he is not doing so then you need to explore a bit the reason for his hesitation.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 29-year-old woman with no ambitions in life. I think my biggest problem is that I procrastinate. I completed my undergrad years ago and I still haven't applied for my masters degree. I have been working in cushy jobs since I graduated and living with my parents. I don't get out much so I don't have too many friends or even a romantic interest in my life. I think about all this from time to time and it gets me down but I have always managed to block it all out and continue the way I am. Lately though, watching all my friends get to places they want to be, some of them happily married with kids and a great career really depresses me. I feel like I have done nothing useful with my life and that it's too late to start anything now. I get so upset I think of suicide at times. I don't know how you will be able to help me, but if you do have any advice, it will be much appreciated.
Lazy

Dear Lazy,
First, remember, it is never too late. You are only 29 and have a wonderful long life ahead. Think positive and don't let the past get you down. There is no better time to start anything than “Now”. Get out of your mental block and tell yourself that you will do something with your life. Get together the few friends that you have and plan how to go about it. Take care of your appearance, get a new wardrobe if you can afford it, cut your hair, anything that will make you look and feel different. Then decide if you need a career change or you want to go back to college. Please remember, you come from a privileged class, don't squander away your chances. Many in our society would give anything to be in your place.

Dear Mita,
I have had a problem ever since I was a child. I feel like no one respects me. I have always been a pushover and everyone, including my friends have bullied me throughout my school life. Now that I am an adult, I am still bullied, in more subtle ways of course, by my boss and my colleagues, my parents, my wife at times and yes, my friends as well. Whenever anyone says anything to put me down, I can never find the courage to say anything. Later, I sit for hours thinking of clever comebacks but that only serves to frustrate me even more. Are there any behaviour therapy techniques I can learn to change my personality? I feel like I have no self esteem and I despise myself. Please help me.
Bullied

Dear Bullied,
I think you need counseling as this short response might not help you. What you really need is a confidence booster. The best person to help you is your wife. She is your partner and by your side always. I hope that you do confide in her and your relationship is strong enough to accept each other's weaknesses. First, don't keep on saying or thinking that you are a push over. Just because you don't retort back whenever anyone says something rude does not mean you are a push over. Maintaining a dignified silence also requires courage and patience. However, don't take this to an extreme limit. There are times you have to take a stand against insults this you need to learn. I honestly think it is a matter of self-confidence and this will happen if you get positive feed back from friends and family.