The Importance of being a MAN

I have been so tired of this banter about emancipation and empowerment of women. Who, then, will do the dishes, laundry and – the only thing that makes men really happy – cooking? It is so easy to think from a macro point of view and the betterment of the people; but if you look into the micro effect of a woman out in the streets, you will understand the horrors of it! Take it from me, people, take it from me!! Here I am, sprawled across the sofa with my pot belly balancing a bag of chips, as I flip between channels on the TV in front of me. My wife is running late from work, for which I am extremely hungry as there's no dinner. Had she been home, I'd have had her make me some samosas or alu puri and also dinner in due time just like the old days. My grandfather would tell my grandmother he was hungry and she'd have cooked up a feast. But now women have rights, they now toil outside--it is not like they get paid for free. Jobs are also part of the slave trade, so I don't know why they make such a fuss about it.

Nonetheless, that is not the most offensive part of it. It is more insulting to see a woman, who, not only by virtue of her haughty sway, gets the job, and-- to rub salt on the wound– has also been given my position in the job, because she is 'considered' more qualified! I cannot believe it and do not find it justified. She, who is also entitled to her husband's money and thus does not need to work given her hubby's bank balance, is here to eat up at our (us men's) already small space in the job market, just because it makes her feel like an individual. We, who have to support our entire families, and that includes the wife's whims of fancy clothes and ornaments!

But perhaps the tragedy lies in the fact that we men dig our own graves. Our delicate nymphets are not given the hard part of the job: the nasty and difficult tasks are for the guys. After all how else can a burly forty-year-old married man (the boss) impress these pretty and precocious nymphets? This also means they get to go home earlier since it is risky for a woman to be out late at night. Yeah, yeah, women never ask for such uncalled for fringe benefits, which is also why very few make it to the top of the corporate ladder by sheer hard work. How else can a naïve nymphet brave the dirty politics of the world– it would be unjust to place such privation of malevolence on our fragile women.

Hmm, that makes me wonder why, then, is the wife working late? Now that the child (our son) is crying upstairs, I only hope that he cries himself to sleep. I can't deal with the emotional humbug! A father should not have to lend a shoulder to lean on or give moral support. That is exclusively a mother's job. Isn't it enough that we foot the bills, which is the lion's share of the work? But ah, well, now that the wife is earning I have been forced into a case of reversed roles. Sigh! Never trust a woman's intellect, for it is as promiscuous as her character. We have the world to raid, while women have only the shopping malls, and should it be so? But is anyone listening!

At government offices, if the lady is pretty, her files are passed in no time while she sits drinking tea having a tête-à-tête with the officer, whereas we men have to stand hours in line. If we, men, on the other hand, get to see an officer's blessed face, we have to answer a thousand questions and wait for ages to get our files passed (not to mention the transfer of bank notes under the table). And why wouldn't it be so? Our home and foreign ministers are women, so are our government and opposition leaders, and we are still thinking what exactly has gone wrong in the country. And that is the big picture; there I drew it for you. It is all a very coherent yet logical rubbish system and the whole problem in its entirety is because we let them venture out in search of their individuality, independence and emancipation. And if they were so smart, how come the count of female Nobel laureates are so numbered? How long, will our modern women sell the dead old Marie Curie which must have had a sacrificing husband who had let her take all the glory? Smartness is not their forte; why, even in the world of science and mathematics their roles have been negligible? Can't they just accept what our grandmothers always said about their brains being smaller than ours? From science to superstitions, the conclusion is everywhere! How can our women claim themselves to be smart if they fail to understand this little fun fact?

Oh, well the wife is finally home; better be a gentleman, now that she is an individual. I shall sweetly ask her to fix me a quick snack for I have long been hungry. Before further damage, we men must act wisely, patronisingly dismissing the idea of gender equality. After all there is absolutely nothing unequal about man and woman that a miracle cannot fix.

— Sharmin Ahmed

 

 

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