Write to Mita
Write to Mita
Dear Mita,
I am in love with a girl who was involved with my friend, casually, for a while. Afterwards, she and I got together and she expressed an interest in me and now we are dating. Before getting into the relationship, I asked my friend if he is okay with it and he did not seem to have a problem with it; in fact, he was very encouraging. However, all our other friends think what I am doing is wrong and that I am making everyone uncomfortable and being a bad friend. They also tell me she is not a morally sound person and has been involved in many affairs in the past. I don't want people to have a bad impression of me and create awkwardness in my circle of friends. On top of that, my parents have also taken a strong dislike to this girl and are constantly asking me to end the relationship. What should I do?
Rotten
Dear Reader (why are you calling yourself Rotten?)
Apart from what everyone thinks, the most important question to ask yourselves is whether you both love each other and are willing to withstand all pressure no matter what. From your letter it seems that you are not very sure about the relationship and are in doubt if this will work since people are saying things about her including your parents. If you really love her, then you will stand beside her no matter what; otherwise, your love is not strong enough.
Dear Mita,
I have a major problem. I had an affair with a friend's husband. My friend and I have known each other since our school days and she went abroad for her masters degree after she married her boyfriend of two years. Once she left, he was lonely and he came to me to talk and hang out. One thing lead to another and we became physically involved. People found out about this and informed my friend who decided she wanted to leave him. His parents were furious and decided to throw him out of their house. The problem is, I was never in love with him and now that he is single again, he seems to think he and I can continue the affair. I have no such intentions and now that the cat's out of the bag, I just want to remove myself from the situation. Please tell me how I can break it off with him and get myself out of this mess.
In trouble
Dear In Trouble,
Yes, You are really in trouble and should have known better than to get involved with a married man. What makes this worse is that he is the husband of your childhood friend. You have betrayed the trust of a friend and have no excuse. What should you do? You should sincerely apologise to your friend and see if there is anything left in their marriage to get back together again. You should tell her husband you don't love him and want to move away. In this situation, honesty is the best policy.
Dear Mita,
I am in a dilemma. I have been involved with a guy on and off for a while, but he does not want to commit to a serious relationship. He seems open to partying, hanging out, basically everything casual, but won't even admit to anyone that we are dating. I have become very attached to him though and although I know that this involvement can't lead to any good, I just can't seem to detach myself from it. On one hand, I am highly insulted by the way he treats me, which at times I consider inconsiderate and disrespectful, but at other times I am flattered when he does give me attention, and think I can't do any better. You see, I know I'm not the best looking girl—in fact I am far from it, and he is handsome, has a great job and is very intelligent and good-natured. I keep thinking, if I wait around, and make myself available, he might eventually change his mind and be in a relationship with me. Also I am nearing my mid 30's and feel the pressure to get married and start a family. What should I do? Do I have hope?
Desperate
Dear Desperate,
The more desperate you act, the more advantage he will take. Please do not demean yourself in this way. You might not have the best looks, but I am sure you have many qualities that can attract a person. I know at mid 30 there is pressure to get married. That does not mean you will throw yourself at anyone. Try to meet other people through friends and relatives, who know there might be someone better waiting for you somewhere. Sitting around hoping he will notice you some day will not help your cause. Another advise, try to excel in your career, if he does not notice someone else will.
