Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have a sister who has been suffering from schizophrenia for the past ten years. She is almost thirty years old now, and is still completely dependent on the family. Since our father passed away last year, my mother has been upset and distracted and has lost interest in taking care of my sister. I still attend university and don't have time to look after her constantly. We can't afford full time domestic help to keep an eye on her either. Sometimes she just leaves the house and it takes us days to find her. I worry constantly about her safety. Can you suggest a safe and affordable institution we can place her in? I am at my wits end as to what we can do for her.

Worried Sister
Dear Sister,
Your worry is totally legitimate. There must be someone in the house to keep an eye on her. Unfortunately I do not know of any such institution although there are now homes for older people. I hope that by reading this column someone might come to your help. In the meantime is there any relative or someone who could come in during the day to take care of her? I know you are in a difficult situation but you need to convince your mother somehow to take care of her.

Dear Mita,
I am 29 and have recently broken up with my boyfriend. The reason is because I realised that he was no longer in love with me. Towards the end he hardly talked to me and I noticed that he did not even look at me. He still claims he loves me but everything he does shows that he doesn't. I don't know if there is someone else but I do know that he does not see me like before. I have realised that this is a dead relationship and desperately want to move on. Although I still feel very hurt I do not want to be with him as he is not the person I thought he was and he is not good for me. My parents want me to marry a family friend and I am actually thinking about the proposal. Do you think it is too soon for me to jump into marriage? Should I wait till I'm really over my ex?

Runaway
Dear Runaway,
First, you have done the right thing to break off the relationship with your boyfriend. There is no need to linger or force a relationship if it is not working. Regarding marriage, I don't think it is too early to start to think about it, be open to it and even to meet the person who your parents want you to marry. It is important to know if this is the right person for you. But there is no need to rush into it also. You have been hurt therefore you need some time to heal. In the meantime it will do you good to know that someone wants you already. I am sure you will take the final decision at the right time.

Dear Mita,
I have a crush on my boss. We are both single and have to work very closely together which makes it all the more difficult. He is very handsome and charming and recently divorced. I know it is not advisable to fall for one's boss but I really don't know how to control it. I am not sure how he feels. Sometimes it seems he has more than professional interest in me but then at other times he is very formal. Recently a woman has been calling him and I'm afraid that it may be a potential girlfriend. I am quite at a loss about what to do. Should I just quit my job and forget him? Should I tell him? Or should I just suffer in silence?

Secret Admirer
Dear Admirer,
While it is not a great idea to fall for one's boss, these things do happen. The important thing is that you deal with this matter keeping in mind the decorum of the work place. Try to find out if he is interested in you at all and then meet him outside the office if possible. It is too early to leave your job and run away. There is also no need to suffer in silence. A relationship between two responsible adults can only work if both sides are on the same wavelength. A simple crush is not good enough for a serious relationship.