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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 29-year-old woman working for an advertising agency and am quite happy with my job. My bosses seem quite satisfied with my work. Recently they hired a young male executive (he is about three years younger than me) and he is very smart and creative. The problem is he seems to think that he must outdo everything I do. My bosses are very pleased with him and think he is some kind of whiz kid. Sometimes I feel my ideas are just being swept under the rug and preference is given to his ideas. He is also very charming but I have a feeling he is trying to get my job (I am senior to him in position). Please tell me how I can handle this diplomatically without making a fool of myself.

Insecure
Dear Insecure,
First of all don't feel insecure about this. If this kid is smart, you are not less smart and eventually when the glitz comes off the real stuff will show. Go about your job, if your bosses have any sense they will understand your worth and not undermine you for a younger and less experienced person. Be gracious but hold your own, don't let him get away by taking over your ideas. Be tactful, strategic and diplomatic. However, at some point tell him off if he gets obnoxious.

Dear Mita,
I have a weight problem. I have been overweight for a few years now and everyone has something to say about it. I used to feel bad about the way I looked before, but now I have just accepted that this is the way I am because dieting and exercising don't seem to be doing their magic and frankly, I am too tired to do all that after work. None of my clothes fit me anymore, I barely look at myself in the mirror and I never feel like dressing up for special occasions because I know I will not look pretty. I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about it. I feel like no one will like me because of my hideous body. I don't even like myself anymore. Please tell me how I can be okay with myself.

FAT
Dear Fat,
What kind of a letter is this? If you were so uncaring about your looks etc. you would not have written to me. Just get a hold of your self and start to go on a diet and exercise regime. I suggest you watch the series “the biggest looser” to get some inspiration. There are hundreds of examples of people getting over their weight problem. All you have to do is set a goal, short, medium and long term. Don't expect miracles but don't give up. Please do it for yourself and for people who love and care about you.

Dear Mita,
I have been married for twenty years and I have a fairly stable marriage. My husband is very loving, caring and affectionate. But for the last two years I feel that he is not attracted to me and tries to evade the whole issue of why there is no intimacy in our relationship. I feel very despondent sometimes and cannot help but wonder whether he is having an affair. He is often on Facebook and on the phone. We are both very busy with our careers and so do not have much time together. But whatever little time we do, he seems to be bored with me. I am falling into a depression over this and feel unwanted.

Undesirable
Dear Undesirable,
Sustaining an interesting and exciting marriage over a long period of time is a very daunting challenge. There is also nothing automatic about a happy marriage. Most of us don't realise that marriage, like any other institution needs constant nurturing and innovation. After a number of years it is only natural for it to become dull, boring and monotonous. Most couples settle down to a routine of day-to-day activity and are considered stable and happy. For that special spark, couples have to do something special. It could well be that your husband is no longer crazy about you even if he is not having an affair. You will have to find the things that make him tick. Think of exciting things to do together. Try to revive the old passion and happiness by finding out what he likes now, what excites him most, what moves him and most importantly what puts him off.
This is a very long topic and cannot be completed in a paragraph. I am sure things will be fine once again if you put your intelligence to work and strategise cleverly.