The need for a paradigm shift

Mrs. Jahanara Imam

A woman's right is violated in the moment she is born. 'Why is it a girl? Why couldn't you produce a boy'? Some husbands would ask their wives as if the wives are to blame for the birth of baby girls. Many people fail to realise that the chromosomes that decide the gender of the child comes from the father, not the mother. What is more sinister is the case of a doctor who threatened to divorce his wife because she could not produce a baby boy. He knew how chromosomes worked, yet he saw fit to overlook this by blaming his wife. If educated people behaves like this then who needs enemies?

The allergy to baby girls has become so endemic in our culture that it violates the very basic human rights that Islam had granted to women 1500 years ago. In pre-Islamic Arabia (Jahiliya), many baby girls were buried alive because Arabian society considered them to be burden on families. Muhammad (SWS) put an end to this evil practice and said in a hadith that if a man brings up a girl and a boy equally, then he will enter paradise. Based on this criteria, how many men in Bangladesh today will enter paradise? But the problem doesn't end there. Due to peer pressure many women themselves have a strong aversion to baby girls even though they are of the same gender! We need to ask ourselves how this 'Jahili' mentality came about and how we can get rid of it.

Education
Once female rights have been violated after birth, the next level of violation takes place in education. Many women are forced to give up education because of the mistaken view that education has no value for a housewife. Education is the most valuable asset that any human being can have and everyone, whether male or female has a right to be educated. As Mahatma Gandhi once said, 'educate one man, you educate one person, but educate a woman and you educate a whole civilisation'. Children suffer if mothers are not educated. There needs to be a paradigm shift in our education system where young children currently rely on private tutors to help them with homework and exam preparation. As education starts from the home, then it is imperative that mothers are educated to a level where they can be directly involved in their children's education without the need for private tutors at an early age. Fail to educate a woman, and you fail to educate an entire nation, and the nation suffers.

Forced marriages
Once a woman has been forced to give up her education, the next level of violation of women's rights is in marriage. There are countless stories of women being forced into marriages against their will because of the mistaken view that parents have full monopoly over their children's future. Many women are at the receiving end of such attitudes by their parents. Once a woman is forced into a marriage without their consent there is no exit route from an oppressive marriage, she cannot turn to anyone for help.

Relationships during marriage
Even if there is consent from the woman about her marriage partner, the problems don't end there. Many women who move into their husband's family face problems in adjusting to the new lifestyles. This itself is not an issue, but the real problems lie in the relationships between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. In an ideal home, there should be no problems between the two individuals. Unfortunately, the reality is different. Many families of the sub-continent have problems that are caused by misunderstandings between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. Why should there be problems between them? One theory suggests that the mother's role of caring for the family has been undermined by the new wife which her son has brought into the family, and would see her as competition.

Furthermore, there may be a fear by the mother, who for so many years received the attention of her son(s), but then finds his attention being diverted to his new wife which would cause jealousy. Despite the fact that Muslims are commanded to treat all family members well and to avoid jealousies (one of the worst sins any Muslim could commit), it is a sad reflection on our society that such noble principles are not generally adhered to.

There are other problems too, for instance the strained relationships between new wives and their mother-in-laws. Oppressive husbands is also another problem where they would mistreat their wives. If a wife complains about oppression within a family, chances are that she will be blamed for all the problems. Who can the wife approach for redress without being blamed for it? There are currently no support structures to deal with such problems and the government needs to set up an initiative to help oppressed women receive justice.

The need for a paradigm shift
The issues highlighted above are controversial but need to be recognised urgently as they violate the principles of human rights. What is needed is a major shift in attitudes held by peer groups and society in general. The Government has a major responsibility to help society make this fundamental shift. If women are the committed helpers of their men folk and make up half of the society, then how can society progress if their rights have been violated from the moment they are born?

Mrs. Jahanara Imam is the Director of Human Rights Implementation Society.