For those who have not yet been "fortunate" enough to "experience" this enlightening film, first warning -- stay away from films that claim to contain a "life-altering" message. The sob-saga stretches on for nearly four hours, a substantial chunk of your life that will never come back.

Had tried to check out some of Johar's earlier movies; could not sit through them however. Too sugary, too Balaji-produced primetime soap-ish. But then again, Karan Johar movies were never meant to make sense or portray reality. They are about mansions spacious enough to house 10 average families and beautiful actresses running around frantically in London or New York. But had to check out Kabhi Alvida...with all the hoopla going on.

Sooner or later everyone in showbiz seems to be struck by the 'Substance Syndrome'. It's like when Mariah Carey decided that fans should acknowledge her as an "actress". Johar should not have succumbed to fads and should have left marriage and its gripping problems alone.

Failed footballer Dev Saran (Shah Rukh Khan) is resentful towards fashionista wife Rhea (Preity Zinta), just because she is successful. On the other side, there's party-animal Rishi (Abhishek Bachchan) who tries hard to court schoolteacher wife Maya (Rani Mukerji), but as it turns out she is quite frigid. Both couples live in New York.

Through "interesting" turn of events Dev and Maya meet, with both marriages well on the rocks. Their spouses get acquainted as well. After some tiresome songs, the story oscillates between high melodrama and slapstick hilarity, going nowhere. Eventually Dev and Maya realise that they are soul mates and decide to emotionally shut out their partners. Rani's altruistic father-in-law (played by Amitabh Bachchan) suggests she should follow her heart, even if it means his son's marriage would end sourly: Possibly believable in western cultures but in the context of our Desi culture -- blasphemous.

Shah Rukh's Dev is perpetually upset; an angry "not so young" man with no apparent reason. He hams, scowls and smirks in slow motion, each facial twitch exaggerated to painful proportions. Rani's character is not fond of Abhishek's lifestyle (no explanation there either). Rani, known for her impressive acting skills, does not have much to do but flash an occasional teary grin and that almost melts one's heart. Preity's Rhea echoes the age-old Bollywood cliché of working women being uncaring. Abhishek is fortunate enough to get the most believable character in the film. Bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan, dressed like Snoop Dogg, frolics around with blondes. Kajol, John Abraham and Arjun Rampal make "extremely crucial (?)" cameos. And of course, like any other Karan Johar movie, there's glycerine-induced waterworks galore.

The dialogues were perhaps meant to be "profound" but turned out to be laughable. You don't feel sorry for the characters, you feel sorry for yourself. And, for all the hype about Bollywood heading into a "bold" direction, the film ends up being a lot of oversight with barely any insight. Couples on the verge of marriage would do well not to waste their time on this drama.